Mormon Mentality - Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People

By Proud Daughter of Eve

Oct. 4th, 2006 at 8:00 am

My paper got soaked in the thunderstorm this morning and when I went to the site to order a replacement, I found this story in the news link box.

Essentially, these parents kidnapped their 21-year old daughter to prevent her marriage. It seems odd to me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, the daughter says that their objections had nothing to do with her intended. Secondly, it was mentioned that the marriage was to take place in the Salt Lake temple. I thought perhaps that the parents objected to their daughter’s conversion but the father’s name is Lemuel. It’s still possible that that is their objection but it seems odd.

The County Attorney charging the parents, Kay Bryson, said “”It is strange that parents would go to that extent to keep an adult daughter from marrying the man that she had chosen to marry.”

Their determination doesn’t seem strange to me. Legally she’s an adult; emotionally she’s their child and their responsibility. I don’t see myself actually doing it to one of my children (unless I had incontrovertible proof that their intended is dangerous) but I could see myself wishing to do it.

What do you think and how would you have handled the situation if it were you?

1. Tom

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 9:20am

I’ve never understood parents who think they get the last word on whom their adult children marry. I don’t have any problem with parents expressing an opinion, even a strong one, but I’ve heard of parents being coercive and threatening or even sabotaging the relationship in order to get their way and I just don’t get it. Nothing says “I don’t trust or respect you” better.

2. Johnna Cornett

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 9:49am

I don’t know, being mormon doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be an awful choice as a spouse. Sounds like Lemuel and wife were desparate unto stupidity.

And with parents like these, that 21-year-old gal’s quality meter is badly calibrated.

3. Allison

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 10:15am

Weird. Reminds me of the recent news stories about the woman who was kidnapped by her parents who tried to force her to have an abortion. I wonder if it’s a new trend, related to parents’ inability to let their kids grow up? Or are these people just random nutjobs?

4. Allison

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 10:21am

…which is to say, I agree with the county attorney. She may be their child, and I understand wanting to your children to make what you see as right decisions even as adults, but her life is her own and her life decisions are emphatically not her parents’ to make.

5. Crystal

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 11:06am

The first sigh should have been that he’s named Lemuel…

6. Crystal

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 11:07am

Errr… sign.

7. JKC

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 11:38am

A Mormon named Lemuel–that’s almost as good as Major Major Major Major.

8. pdoe

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 12:26pm

JKC:
That gave me pause too. Who would name their child Lemuel? It’s almost as bad as naming them Cain. If he’s anti- then I bet it has something to do with all the teasing he got in Primary. heh.

9. Ardis

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 1:21pm

There is a long string of Lemuel Redds in Utah/Mormon history, stretching back to pre-conversion days (Lemuel is a Biblical name, after all). Betcha he’s named for grandpa. Doesn’t mean he didn’t get teased in Primary, though!

Is this a “shotgun un-wedding”?

10. Guy Murray

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 1:25pm

While the parents were way out of line kidnapping their daughter . . . it seems a bit vindictive for the daughter to insist on pressing criminal charges and having them face 1 to 15 years in prison over what appears to be some serious and emotionally based family issues.

btw . . .isn’t Lemuel an Old Testament name of Hebrew orgin meaning: “LEMUEL “devoted to God” or “belonging to God” (Hebrew). The name of a king in the Old Testament. The name of the hero of Jonathan Swift’s novel ‘Gulliver’s Travels’”

I’m not sure the comparison with Cain is really legitmate.

11. Tom

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 1:31pm

Looks like a honeymoon baby. The bride is due in May.

After thinking it through, I can think of one or two scenarios in which I might be tempted to pull this kind of thing. If my daughter was about to marry an alcoholic with a history of abuse, for example. But even then, the time for teaching about what kind of guy she should be lookiing for is past.

I’d be interested to know what the Redds were thinking. On the surface it looks like they’re nut jobs.

12. Katie P.

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 1:33pm

I think the events took place in early August, which could make the baby a honeymoon baby.

I’m not sure what I would do. If the daughter, just get away as fast as possible and not press charges.

13. Tom

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 1:35pm

I agree, Guy. Unless I thought these folks were a legitimate danger to others, I don’t think I would cooperate with the prosecution. I don’t know enough about the situation to say for sure that the daughter is taking it too far, but that’s my knee-jerk reaction.

14. jjohnsen

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 1:44pm

They brought her back the next day? That’s the confusing part to me, did they think she would say “oops, missed my wedding date, I guess I won’t marry him”?

I forsee some uncomfortable family reunions in the future.

15. gunner

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 4:24pm

The parents are so in the wrong, but I will admit one thing. I so much want to hear their side of this act. It shoudl all come out in court.

Likely a deal will be made and the parents side will never come out.

16. DKL

Wed, Oct 4, 2006 @ 10:52pm

Family’s are a messy business, that’s for sure. Two things I’ve resolved to do thanks to this post:

1. Never kidnap my kids after they become adults
2. Never, ever do anything as a parent that makes the news

17. a random John

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 12:10am

“I’ve never had a case quite like this,” Utah County Attorney Kay Bryson said Tuesday

I believe this is the same Kay Bryson that set up Utah County Sheriff’s Office hidden cameras at his son’s townhouse in Salt Lake County because we was “concerned that some stuff was missing from the house.” By sheer coincidence (well, according to him) he was able to film his own wife showing up at his son’s vacant house with another man. So he is quite familiar with the odd cases involving families.

18. tigersue

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 10:57am

I think this happened a couple of months ago, and the girl was not brought back the next day. It was a couple of days of NO ONE knowing where she or her parents were. Her siblings had no clue, the fiance had no clue. Everyone was thinking something happened to all three of them. Think of all the worry they caused so many people by this action. What was the result of what they did? The girl married him anyway. They are facing charges, and I don’t think she is the one pressing them, I think that is the courts and prosecutors. She was taken against her will. They did not think out the consequences of their actions before this. They have caused harm to the whole family not just this couple.

19. skl

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 11:22am

LOL, this post is reminding me of 12 years ago when I married DKL. I am pretty sure my parents would have liked to do something along these same lines. But they are wise and didn’t say a word. Now they love him and we don’t have any harsh words or actions to forgive or overcome.

When parents force adult children to choose between themselves and a love interest they are playing a high stakes game. When the parents inevitably lose, the cost is high and the consequences last a lifetime.

20. Crystal

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 11:28am

If a friend of hers kidnapped her for the very same reasons that most of us are assuming (concern), would you all who think she shouldn’t press charges against her parents think that she shouldn’t press charges against her friend as well?

We can’t have laws based entirely on intention. It just wouldn’t work. Her parents held her against her will. It’s not okay. And it’s not okay to just let it go, either.

21. Tom

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 12:44pm

Like I say, Crystal, I don’t have enough information to judge for sure. It depends on what exactly went on. If it was just a long drive and they didn’t bound and gag her or threaten her or otherwise traumatize her, a felony conviction and a prison sentence is more than I personally would push for, whether the offenders were parents or a friend. There may be good reasons that we don’t know of for the girl to go forward with it though. It may have been much more traumatic and much more of a struggle than the CNN story let on. If they did threaten her or physically detain her so she couldn’t get away if she tried, that’s more serious to me.

Tigersue, I don’t know for sure, but it seems like you would have to have the participation of the victim in order to prosecute this sort of thing. Think Kobe Bryant not having to face trial because the accuser wouldn’t go through with it.

22. Crystal

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 12:53pm

I think missing my wedding might traumatise me just a bit. ;)

23. Tom

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 1:48pm

No big deal. Weddings are overrated anyway.

Another remarkable thing about this is that the wedding went forward just a few days later. There are so many interesting, thoroughly Mormon aspects to this story. I’d love to see it written up in more detail.

24. annegb

Thu, Oct 5, 2006 @ 10:30pm

This happened here in Utah, and it was just in the paper in the last week, I thought it just barely happened. Tigersue is right, they had her for three days.

The whole thing made me livid when I read about it, but I was watching a few minutes of Greta Van Susteren today and she made the very good point that this is really a family matter. According to her, it was a crime, but when there are murderers and rapists to be prosecuted, she felt this would be a waste of taxpayer money.

I agree with her. But, boy, those parents deserve a good smacking. Forgiveness would be a long time in coming from me. But then. . .that’s me.

25. ECS

Fri, Oct 6, 2006 @ 8:18am

When I first saw this post, I thought it was going to discuss this article: http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/09/19/abortion.abduction.ap/index.html

Parents kidnapped their 19 year old daughter to force her to have an abortion. Very sad story all around.

26. David

Mon, Oct 16, 2006 @ 7:46pm

They broke the law. They behaved badly. They should be brought to trial. In a kidnapping case you do not have to have the victoms say so to go forward, just evidance. A case Like Kobe, had they had better evidance and not such a messy past with the victom it would have gone forward.