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|“God is Dead?”|
Oct. 16th, 2006 at 9:04 am
This is my first blog on this site and I decided to tackle a simple subject… Nietzsche’s famous statement that “God is dead” was a commentary on society that meant (as far as my non-philosophical self can determine — note that I am a Molecular Biologist by training) that we (as a society) can not believe in a God as we no longer recognize that one is there. Rather than get into a discussion on Nihilism which will completely tangle my brain up, I would rather focus on my own recent journey down the “God is dead” path. My father died suddenly in January, 2006 of a blood clot to the brain. I was able to speak with him the night before he died, but had no inkling that he would be dead the next day. One thing I have always thought (naively perhaps) was that when someone close to me died, I would feel something. I am not sure what that something was, but figured I would feel some sort of spiritual feeling of comfort or get some sign from that person that everything was going to be ok. Well, maybe I have watched too many cheesy Church videos or sat through too many Testimony meetings, but these were my thoughts.
When my father died I did not feel this “something”. I did not feel it when my Mom called to tell me in the middle of the night that my father had died, nothing when I dressed his body, nothing during the funeral service, and nothing when we buried him. All I felt was a hopelessness combined with sadness. I felt like he had been taken too early and too fast for me to be prepared for his death. As the days turned into weeks, I really began to question if God was indeed dead (or did not exist at all). I continued to feel nothing but sadness and emptiness, even when I was at Church. It was one of those crises of faith that we all go through (I seem to go through them on an annual basis as I wander through the various gray areas of the Gospel).
One month after my father died, I was giving my 6 month old son a bath before his bedtime. He and I were the only ones in the bathroom when suddenly I felt like someone else was in there watching us. It felt so strong that I even turned around to make sure no one was there. It felt like my father’s presence and I definitely had a spiritual confirmation (calm and peaceful) that someone had been there. I had not been thinking of my father at that time. I decided there were two possible explanations for this experience – either it was real or I had imagined it. I am a level headed person (at least people tell me that), and I am not one for making things up as I was trained as a Scientist (where all things must have some tangible proof via experimentation). However, I could not come up with an explanation that made sense, besides the explanation that it was a real event that occurred. I now believe that it must have been some type of message from my father (or my Father) to tell me that things are ok and it has strengthened my belief that God is not dead and occasionally, He does throw us a proverbial bone.