DKL, you’re just in denial about your addiction to the internet.

I agree with your point, but some of the things you mention (caffeine, porn addiction) are true addictions that are self-imposed. True, men have a naturally high sex drive, but it doesn’t make us all seek out porn. However, frequent “use” (for lack of a better term) of porn will lead to a true addiction, just as frequent use of caffeine or nicotine will do the same. However, I agree, rather than treat these as “natural diseases” like cancer or diabetes we need to return to a culture of accountability, where self-mastery is a virtue to be sought after, not seen as “holding yourself back”.

You make a great point about the fine line between addiction and habit. It seems that an addiction is something more serious in society’s eyes vs a habit like chewing your fingernails. As a former finger nail chewer, I can vouch that it was an addiction.

DKL–in your case, the addiction is somewhat more serious than the cases for which counseling centers are already set up.
The addiction to wearing shoes is usually an outward manifestation of some very serious inward conflicts. It indicates cognitive dissonance and a conscious (often forced) resistance to the idea of evolution. Usually the person so afflicted also has urges to swing from chandeliers and/or trees, and often walks around with clenched fists to resist doing so. I hope your addiction has not reached that point.

The most common questions a psychiatrist will ask someone with your specific addiction are:
1) When you see yourself in your dreams, are you wearing shoes? If not, and your feet are visible, are your toes inordinately hairy?
2) When you see ants, is your first impulse to kill, to protect, or to eat them? If the impulse is to eat them, do you find yourself plagued with a habit of teeth grinding during your daily routine?
3) Do you consider yourself allergic to many things? If so, can you identify what you’re allergic to, or do you simply scratch for no apparent reason?

I know of no remedy for this addiction. Sometimes, doctors will ease their patients off shoes by moving them into slippers, then socks, and finally bare feet. Hippies have had great success with aromatherapy. There are mantras, mostly intended to assure the addict of his humanity. (“I am a man. I stand tall. I have always been a man, except when I was a boy.” [Obviously, the mantra changes for women.]) If you can cry in chick flicks (a term I use with no one else), you are on your way to healing. I’d recommend _Legally Blonde_.

Have you considered that the logical positivist approach to life may be the at the root of this problem?

I want you to know I admire your courage for outing yourself in this way. Most people are extremely ashamed of the addiction.

Addictions cause difficulty with job, family, normal life and daily functioning. Habits don’t. That’s the main difference I see between them. It’s true that the brain undergoes drastic biochemical changes when one is addicted, making it harder and harder to stop doing whatever one is addicted to. It’s also true that we do choose, we can reverse it, even if it’s hard. Each time you make the right choice, it makes it that much easier to do the same next time. Each time you make the wrong choice, though, it makes it that much harder.

I guess the real test is what works? If brutally dismissing the problem and saying it’s your own fault, get your act together is successful in turning lives around then let’s do that. (I don’t believe it is.) If treating it as a disease and giving specific treatments, programs, rehab, whatever works best then I’m all for that. From everything I’ve read, 12 step type programs, including explicit reliance on God, have the highest success rate. If we find anything better than that we should go for it. Until then, admitting one’s powerlessness, acknowledging a higher power, making a decision to change, etc. seem like the best approach.

Perhaps a 12-step program for blogging addicts is in order. Maybe we could all start a blog about our addictions…

I’m not addicted, I’m merely suffering from a symptomatic mania, which, having imposed itself upon my psyche, has deranged my libido to a paranoic state of traumatic repression, compounded with inferiorities and deep-rooted fixations, which give lien to psycho-neurotic manias, causing catastrophically diversified tendencies.

(I memorized that from an old “B.C.” comic years ago. I knew it would come in handy someday.)

Candleman,

As I recall one of the steps to repentance is to stop doing the sin. To me that sounds very much like self mastery and discipline. I have always defined humility as being able to learn. To be teachable. Pride seems to be the opposite, a know-it-all so to speak. In my mind one can exercise self mastery and discipline and still be very humble.

On another note. If one were to really look at those who have recovered from an addiction they would find that the recovery program is not important. Those who recover have two common traits first a strong desire to change their behavior and secondly a strong belief that they can change their behavior.

This has been my observation so far and as I learn more then my opinions will change accordingly.

I would like to hear about what others have observed.

I agree with you, Meg. As a card-carrying “addict” I’ve been confused by the labeling on everything from shoes to chocolate.

However, there are people who tend to take anything to excess. In AA, they say, “when I’m good, I’m damn good.” So those of us who struggle with this type of tendency will, true to the stereotype, steal from their parents to buy meth. BUT, when they get into recovery, they may replace that addiction with something else and do it until they drive themselves and others crazy.

There’s truly a difference. My husband has no trouble with substances whatsoever. I’ve never used illegal drugs, but if my doctor is so stupid as to give me a bottle of valium, that thing will be gone in two weeks. I have no self control when it comes to substances.

When I first started blogging, I was completely addicted and obsessed. I know that sounds familiar to most of you, so I wonder if maybe blogging attracts the addictive personality.

I joke a lot about my alcoholism, and I think you make a valuable point, David. But I grew up in a family of alcoholic/addicts and there’s really nothing funny about a geniune addiction. Buying new shoes every week probably won’t ruin your life or the lives of your children, but buying a six pack every day is going to screw up a lot of people’s lives.

We just can’t dismiss addiction. That’s where 12 step programs come in. The twelve steps are totally in harmony with the gospel and actually focus on taking responsibility for ones wrongdoings and making amends. I love the way they approach our relationship with God.

On the other hand, nothing like sitting in a LDS church 12 step group and listening to people kvetch about their sex and food addiction. Geez, I’m a bigot.

I’m actually straying from the condemnation of porn, also. I wonder if more marriages break up because of porn, or because the wife goes nuts about it. As I’ve said before, my first husband read Playboy. None of the other awful ones, which I found under my 15 year old son’s bed and hope someday to get the images out of my mind, Playboy is like a soft poem compared to them.

But he read Playboy, perhaps he masturbated, it wasn’t that big a deal to me then. Just wasn’t. Call me immoral. I read them also, actually read the articles. Which I’ve also said before. It didn’t affect our marriage one way or the other (BTW, I’ve figured out the difference between affect and effect it was a miraculous revelation type of thing, working on lay/lie/who/whom). Honestly.

Bill’s obsessive vacuuming of the heater vents, his re-organizing my kitchen and breathing down my neck over countless small messiness of mine, THAT affects my marriage.

Perhaps one of these days, after I’ve disconnected, I will wander into the library and make a post that says “Porn, is it really all that bad?”

But then again, I saw something the other day, I think it was on a computer at the library and it was way bad awful. That could sap your spirit.

Playboy had, don’t know now, pictures of beautiful women in waterfalls hiding their privates.

Although, my first husband, now deceased, read an article once on Germaine Greer, where she compared good sex to a good bowel movement and he was disgusted and I think he stopped reading it.

I’m digressing as is my habit (not addiction, oh maybe), but now that Sarah and Nick are getting a divorce, I wonder about condemning. Not all men are addicted to porn, but if they look once in awhile, their wives might leave them and it’s not really ruining their marriage.

Although, I think it was July, or June, the Ensign had a very good article on the dangers of porn and I also agreed with that.

“I previously mentioned pornography. It easily becomes an addiction of the worst kind.” Gordon B. Hinckley, “Rise Up, O Men of God,” Ensign, Nov 2006, 59–61

“Pornography is as addictive as many substances we would not even consider taking into our bodies.” H. David Burton, “Honoring the Priesthood,” Ensign, May 2000, 38

“Pornography is also addictive. It impairs decision-making capacities and it “hooks” its users, drawing them back obsessively for more and more. A man who had been addicted to pornography and to hard drugs wrote me this comparison: “In my eyes cocaine doesn’t hold a candle to this. I have done both. … Quitting even the hardest drugs was nothing compared to [trying to quit pornography]” (letter of Mar. 20, 2005).” Dallin H. Oaks, “Pornography,” Ensign, May 2005, 87

candle,

i hear you. I really do and I respect those words.

but if we weren’t so hung up on body parts and who puts tab A into who’s slot B, pornography wouldn’t have the same effect on people.

in other words, take the nasty and naughty out of a perfectly wholesome activity and you might be surprised at the results.

Nah, you’re okay. You know, my Jessie and I argue about this. She says men who use porn are unsatisfied at home. She’s dead wrong. She agrees with you, Melanie–correct me if I’m wrong–that the Mormon emphasis on chastity and morality has created a whole new generation of porn addicts. Again, I think she’s wrong.

I think it’s a sign of the times and what starts out as a small thing can kill one’s soul. For all my flippancy.

DKL, you can come smack me for threadjacking. Didn’t mean to. No, you can’t, I’m leaving. Going over to Parowan to hold my alcoholic senile mother’s hand for an hour.

Eric Russell, probably true.

Dan Ellsworth, LOL. Your logic is blinding.

Matt, I think that you’re still adopting a framework that defines the behavioral norm as disciplined control. My point is that the norm is poorly controlled behavior. Thus, in my opinion, availing oneself of easy-to-obtain sexual stimuli (as in the case with porn) is the norm, and refraining is the exception.

annegb, it sounds like Sarah may have a different form of shoe addiction, once in which purchasing them is more important than wearing them.

Devyn S, I think that your right that using the term addiction generally indicates an implicit disapproval when it’s used in most serious contexts. The term habit is generally less judgmental.

Mark N, LOL. My feelings exactly.

Meg, that works to a point. Is caffeine an addiction? Are carbs an addiction? Can someone get addicted to Jesus? Porn is no more a substance than fingernails, and consuming porn doesn’t render it un-consumable by others (like, say, smoking tobacco makes it un-smokable by others).

DKL, I’ll buy the fact that the 12 Steps has a broader range of application than just addiction, but your notion that pornography doesn’t rank with drug addiction and alcoholism is rubbish. Perhaps you don’t know anyone who has been truly addicted to porn.

Mfranti #18, which one does what? You were a little unclear.

Not an answer but rather a thought. Could they be linear as in you habituate to an addiction. Granted some things become addictive the first time, and some people may never become addicted regardless how many times they do it. What that line is when you can count a habit as an addiction, I don’t know.

When it comes to dealing with my weaknesses/addictions, etc., I take the Andy Capp approach (from the old comic strip): Yes, I have self control, but I refuse to be a slave to it.

Excellent post DKL. I am in total agreement.

I think you make an excellent point. Because it’s not a “one size fits all” diagnosis. I’ve wondered about that myself.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are and how long you had a problem? I was sort of upset about someone’s prediliction, however you spell it, and then I thought I over-reacted. I think he started maybe 13-14, maybe a little later, and still has a problem 10 years later. Would you call that an addiction?

Candle,

I agree that we’re probably mostly dealing with differences in semantics, but I do have to take issue with some of your assertions.

As it turns out, alcoholism isn’t universally considered or referred to as an addiction either.

Also, can you refer me to any sources that suggest pornography use actually involves “chemical dependencies”? I’ve heard it suggested once or twice that the endorphins released while looking at porn (due to sexual arousal) may be be considered an addictive “natural drug,” but I’ve never read anything that actually substantiates this claim. Our body also releases endorphins during regular, “acceptable” sexual behavior, as well as during rigorous exercise. Millions of people regularly have sex and regularly exercise, but it doesn’t seem that people are developing “chemical dependencies” with respect to these activities. So I can’t help but be skeptical of the characterization of porn use as a “chemical dependency.”

I think the key to the semantics problem is that addiction is an imprecise term that is defined differently in different circles. Another reason why I prefer not to use it is that it is such a loaded term, and is frequently used by those with a religious, political, or social agenda to evoke certain emotions.

annegb: cchrissyy answered your question better than I could have.

Steve M: Addiction, dependence, compulsion are all subject to interpretation. Suit yourself as to their meanings. As for a definition of chemical dependence, I’m not sure you’ll find any better agreement out there regarding that.

Addiction or whatever you want to call it is never just physical, never just psychological and never just spiritual. Methodone, alone doesn’t cure folks of drug addiction. Neither does therapy, rehab, or church, or many combinations of the above. I know lots of recovering “addicts” (quotations for your sake). People who’ve been hooked on just about everything imaginable. To the man/woman they tell me that only Christ was able to fix what ailed them. This too has clearly been my own experience. I could write a book (in fact I am writing one) (by the way I appreciate your in put) and still feel inadequate in explaining the miracle Christ has worked in our lives. It’s like describing depression to one whose been down-in-the-dumps, but never truly depressed. Or like describing salt to someone who’s never tasted salt. In the end it doesn’t matter what was wrong nearly so much as the unmistakable fact the people are getting better.

Be these circumstances addiction, or pseudo addiction, or lesser addiction or not addiction at all, they are real problems, with one real solution who is Jesus Christ. He who descended below all things so he might understand how to succor His people.

The real issue for me in this entire discussion is not what is addiction, or even who is addicted. The real issue is whether or not we have the capacity to overcome whatever we decided to call it. I believe that no one. Even the most composed, self mastered, well disciplined and obedient disciple remains subject to the dilema of the eternities. That supernal problem of how to cross over from imperfection to perfection. That problem can only be solved by reliance upon the merits and mercy of Jesus Christ. That problem is universal and applies to every one of us who has arrived at the state of accountability. From there individual problems have only differences of degree.

To put it in the vernacular of the Parable of the Bicycle by Stephen E. Robinson. You fellows who are well disciplined and masterful may well have earned $50.00 toward the $100.00 of perfection which is marvelous when compared with my $.61, but in the end you need Jesus to make up the difference just as badly as I do.

Candleman, I think your point of view is very useful. I understand DKL’s point of view that the word addiction is overused, but on the other hand, I think it’s very likely that we as a society are just addicted to more things nowadays, with varying degrees of severity.

To me Higher Power is just another semantics issue. Clearly God doesn’t withhold blessings simply because someone doesn’t have an entirely correct notion of who He is. I too, know some, who don’t accept Jesus Christ, yet have recieved His help while acknowledging God as they understand Him. Most of those, however, as they worked the Steps (especially 11) became better acquainted with God and in the process of obedient living have come to a clearer, better understanding of who God is and why He would care about scumbags such as us. Several have even come to realize Jesus was the Master who helped them through dark days in which they couldn’t recognize Him at the time.

Latter-day Saints may have more truth, but they don’t have exclusive rights to God’s love, grace and companionship.

Object away.

I agree with a lot of your comments, Candleman. And I’m not in any position to question your personal experiences.

While we may just be debating semantics, I believe that terminology may be more than that. At least for some, the label put on a problem carries with it certain implications regarding both the cause of and solution to a problem.

For instance, if we think of a behavior or a substance as being “addictive,” and those who have no control over their indulgence in the behavior or substance as “addicts,” then one might conclude that the solution simply consists of avoiding the inherently addictive substance or abstaining from the behavior. However, another term might draw attention to the characteristics of the “addict”–attitudes, experiences, tendencies, and so on–that make him or her more susceptible to uncontrolled behavior (in general or with regard to the particular habit in question). An awareness of the significance factors may lead the individual to address these underlying issues (rather than merely try to avoid the substance or behavior in question). A treatment that addresses these factors will be more likely to empower the individual to control his behavior, so that the substance in question essentially becomes less “addictive” to him.

What I’m saying is that, for some people at least, the terminology they use to describe a problem affects the way they perceive it, and this may have significant implications as to how they go about solving it.

But for others, the terminology employed may be totally irrelevant to their perception and handling of a problem. And I admit that excessive debate over terminology may distract from the more important question of how to solve the problem.

Steve M.: “An awareness of the significance factors may lead the individual to address these underlying issues (rather than merely try to avoid the substance or behavior in question).”

In this regard you are absolutely right. In my experience it is never about the alcohol, drug or porn etc. There is ALWAYS an underlying issue that needs to be identified and addressed.

Until I had thoroughly worked the 12 Steps three times I had no real idea what my underlying problem was. The first two times led to abstinence for long periods, but because I had not yet identified the problem, I had not yet dealt with it and over time my control eroded and I fell into relapse.

On my third time through, I discovered the root cause and that has made all the difference. You might argue that knowing what to treat empowered me to make the changes necessary to facilitate my recovery and this is true to some extent. Nevertheless, do not ever suppose that I could have done it without Christ first bursting the chains of my captivity. Some of that was done by enlightening my mind. But initially and enduringly my recovery is a bonafide, undisectable, transformative miracle. To pretend that I get any credit, ie. self mastery or discipline is to offend He who broke my chains and set me free.

Does this absolve me of any action, determination, or disciplined choice on my part? Absolutely not. Like the person Jesus described who had a the devil cast out of them, I must of necessity fill my life with something else and remain vigilant, guard the door so to speak or the devil will move back into my house with reinforcements.

I just fear that too many don’t understand the nature of what I must do to maintain my sobriety. I have been purchased with an awful price out of slavery to satan. To stay there I must be willing to entirely submit my will to that of my new Master. I remain a slave. But now I am a slave to a master of my own choosing. Satan is the default master unless we choose Christ. Each morning I approach my new master and prostrate myself at his feet, completely willing to do his bidding. I get absolutely no credit for anything beyond the choice to be willing. I’ve written more extensively about this at http://candleman.blogspot.com/2007/08/driving.html .

My acceptance of myself as an “addict” did nothing to excuse my behavior. What it did do was help me realize that I wasn’t some sort of lower class creature that, unlike everyone else, had patheic self control. It helped me wake up to the fact that I had long ago surrendered my agency to Satan. It had happened just as the scriptures describe. First I had gone along with a flaxen chord about my neck that, had I wanted to I could have broken. Gradually, though, I let Him lead me to deeper and deeper bondage until I no longer, of myself, had a way out. Call that what you like, it doesn’t matter at all to me. I call it bondage. At that point I made a hopeful discovery found in Mosiah 7:33, that if I would turn to the Lord, He would deliver me out of bondage. That is exactly what I did and precisely what He did. The rest is just ornamentation.

What concerns me in all of this is that no one ever comes away with the notion that somehow I could have ever have liberated myself by some herculean combination of will power and determination. That is devil talk and exactly what keeps most of us in bondage. Too often we waste away our lives trying to deliver ourselves from bondage, and lets face it, we are all in bondage to some degree, we are mortal. And doing so, like the people of Zeniff, who were in bondage to the Lamanites we suffer loss after loss, set back after set back until finally in despair and beaten down to the depths of humility, we turn to God, who liberates us.

Most certainly we are involved in that liberation, we do have to walk out of the back gate of the city. But if we ever take credit for liberating ourselves, when clearly God has done it, we are making the first step back into enemy territory and erlong will be right back in chains.

You may be interested in knowing what the underlying problem was for me. What was the root cause of my captivity? Pride. I wanted life on my terms. I scripted scenarios repeatedly in which, if it did this and such, X would be the result. X was never the result. I found pornography a quick easy fix for the pain I felt at not getting life on my terms. Life became less and less to my satisfaction and I resorted to my choice of panacea’s more and more often. I had this notion if I did such and such right, I was entitled to X as the result. Entitlement was spoken of earlier. It was my problem but not as has been suspected. I felt entitled to life on my terms. Once I began turning my life over to God and began to accept life on His terms I no longer needed to return to porn to ease the pain of disappointment.

I believe that pride is at the root of all problems, be they addiction, compulsion, habit, foolishness, or jackassery. For the ailments of pride there is only one solution, which leads us back to Christ and His atonement as the only source of our salvation, from mortality and all it entails. And the real access to the atonement comes of complete acknowledgement of our utter dependence upon Him, in other words humility.

Melanie writes,

if i am out of line, feel free to smack me around a bit.

Careful — I hear that some folks get addicted to that kind of thing.

I tried to post this yesterday, but screwed up the html code.. anyway, next to the standard works the most enlightening book I own is The Road Less Traveled. I refer to it all the time. One of my favorite quotes from it is:

Discipline is the basic set of tools we require to solve life’s problems. Without discipline we can solve nothing. With only some discipline we can solve only some problems. With total discipline we solve all problems.

So true!

M. Scott Peck wrote it. Here’s a link to it on amazon.

Candleman: Discipline can solve all problems that are solvable by discipline. Obviously, it’s not going to help us overcome death and what not.

I also believe the Lord will remove addictions to those who truly are bound by them and have no way out. But as we all know, people can still choose to go back to their old ways–even after they have broken the addictive cycle. That’s where self discipline comes in.

I’m a huge fan of The Road Less Traveled; there are a ton of amazing insights in that book. The author spoke from painful experience; he was not a disciplined man at all, so his insights came the hard way.
Discipline is definitely a good thing, but despite that quote, the book also recognizes its inadequacy and the role of God. The book is much more about growth and how we develop as people, which I think is a much more healthy focus than discipline when it comes to solving most personal problems.