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Interesting thoughts. |
My 10-year-old daughter speaks often of her future plans to serve a mission. I just hope that in 10 years, her leaders aren’t actively trying to talk her out of it. |
I am skeptical of the Ammon approach as I helped clean up the mess immediately after it failed in Japan in the early 90s. I think it would be great with a significantly more mature workforce–but reading the BCC P-day thread and the T&S photos thread made me sick. I would love for ALL missionaries to have to fight to go–to prove their motivation as sisters must–rather than shepherding all 19 year old boys into the MTC. Certainly the Church has a love/hate relationship with sister missionaries, and it is uncomfortable to be caught in the middle, to say the least. To be told you are a great assett at the same time as you are being told it is not your job and you are not needed. I lived as a non-missionary in a much proselyzed land (in my part of Africa, the Mormons had not made it yet, but the Protestants and Catholics had been there for 100+ years). Annecdotally, I believe the more masculine approach to that work was much more culturally disruptive than the feminine. While male missionaries taught the people to value western culture over thair own–to baptize everyone with Irish names, to beat people who spoke their native languages, to force men to abandon their polygamous wives; women served as the nurses and teachers–the nurturers. |
“BCC P-day thread and the T&S photos thread” Excuse my ignorance. Please explain. |
Jota G– http://www.bycommonconsent.com/2008/03/p-day-shenanigans/ I just think that some of the P-day stories (some were harmless, obviously) and some of the photos described show an immaturity that is basic bad PR and missionary work, but also demonstrates that these elders (for the most part the silliness is elders) just don’t care–their missionary service is getting in the way of their adolesence. While sisters who want to go and would make better missionaries in many ways are told “no.” It is frustrating. [I know I sound really unfun. I agree that missionaries need to be able to unwind on occassion, but not in public in a way that is detrimental to the image of the Church, Christians, or Christ] |
Without some solid demographics, ESO, I’m as likely to concede that Elders have higher delinquency rates than sisters as I am to concede that sisters have higher rates of emotional problems. This is a wonderful post Matt. Lot’s of stuff to consider. It made me think of the 19th century missionary wives, especially in the Pacific Islands. This was before the official move to “set apart” sisters in the ministry (though they frequently recieved blessings in preparation to their leaving). They would frequently teach school, establish Relief Societies (when they actually did a lot of reliefing), administered to the sick and fed the hungry. It is an interesting model. |
As a convert to the LDS Church and a former missionary, I understand and sympathize with the dichotomy between male and female missionaries. I decided to go on a mission because I felt the Lord needed me to go; it wasn’t something I was planning on. I was counting on other paths, like studying overseas. On my mission I was often confused and annoyed by the stigmas attached to sister missionaries – that only the ugly girls go on missions, that female missionaries cause more problems than they solve, that girls need to be coddled or “handled with care.” I don’t see that emphasis on gender in the “real” world – men and women work, and that’s it. There are few jobs that are truly considered male/female only, so I didn’t see why gender had to be emphasized so heavily in missions, which are work like everything else. Nor do I understand why girls are so frequently discouraged from serving a mission. We need missionaries with a testimony of the Gospel who are eager to share it with the world. When I mentioned a mission to my bishop, he practically did a dance for joy! I suspect a great deal of this discouragement comes from some Church leaders’ beliefs that women ought to stay home, get married, and have babies. A mission defers these activities, in their minds. I come from a culture where people expect to get married because that’s what adults do; 18 – 21 is not a particularly appropriate age for kids to get married. No one is “concerned” when you are still single at age 25, or married for over a year with no kids, nor are women pursuing higher education and careers looked upon as deviant or “worldly.” So this reluctance to welcome prepared and desirous missionaries because of their gender seems backward to me. I do understand the need to impress upon all missionaries that professional and friendly behavior between guys and girls must never deviate to flirtatious behavior -heck, what else do guys and girls want to do at that age? – but I think the paranoia and borderline contempt that elders have for sisters (and vice versa) to keep their emotional distance is detrimental and rather silly. Having served a mission, I see the great need for all missionaries who have a testimony of Jesus Christ and the Restoration, who are able to meet the rigorous spiritual, physical, and mental standards, and who are mature and dignified enough not to deface religious shrines (see article about missionaries in San Luis, CO). To turn away potential missionaries because they are female, when the need for quality missionaries is so great, seems to me to be “looking a gift horse in the mouth.” |
Thanks, folks - ESO – I wonder sometimes what would happen if the policy was changed along the lines you lay out – eliminating gender distinction but simultaneously removing the institutional pressure on men. It’s pretty clear, I think, that the numbers of men would drop and that of women rise. I wonder what impact, though, it might have on the way mission work is pursued. Stape – Exactly. In fact, I suspect that those types of nineteenth century Mormon missions were more or less indistinguishable from Protestant missions at the same time. Katie – I think you’re right that among Mormons missions aren’t seen as properly within the woman’s sphere, and it goes back to the apostolic/ministerial dichotomy that Fleming lays out. For Mormons, missions are considered a ministerial (or in Mormon lingo, priesthood) duty, and thus are ideally male. |
J Stapley– Perhaps the “elders are goofy” gets you–it is certainly another over-generalization. I know of many sincere, earnest, excellent, and non-goofy elders; I bet you were one. |
I can only speak from personal experience on my mission. I never encountered anyone who discouraged me from serving a mission, and in my experience sisters were treated with respect and as equals by almost all the elders, ignored by a few, vilified by none. Sisters were not more emotional on the whole in my mission–I only had one companion I consider a nut job, but she was hard-working and very successful. I just slept with one eye open. There was a similar proportion of elders with emotional problems. It seems like the negative stories (both genders) get retold so many times that people think they are representative of the whole. |
I find it VERY hard to swallow. Bingo. |
sacerdotal? What the heck does that mean? You know, I haven’t met very many sister missionaries who have all their marbles. A kid I know (who’s now 33 and a father of 2, but that’s infancy to me) told me that when he was on his mission, the sister missionaries represented extremes. They were either monumentally screwed up and useless or they were awesome. More screwed up ones than awesome ones. So we need to change the thinking pattern somehow. Because it seems to me that the girls who go on missions are more often than not those who reach the age of 21 unmarried and without prospects in romance or life, so they go on a mission. My Sarah is convinced that the church is forcing girls to marry and to marry young, discouraging any kind of personal growth in their 20′s. I’ve said that’s not true, but maybe it is. One thing about our church that I find admirable is that as soon as the general authorities become aware, REALLY aware of a problem (a social problem or an error, not the larger problem of faith in doctrinal concepts that bother people), they do everything in their power to fix it. And maybe they’ll do something about this thinking that encourages marriage at any cost. And we will have more competent sister missionaries. As far as the Ammon principle (and as far as my ignorance will permit me to understand this high-falutin’ post–no offense, Matt B., my bad, not yours :)), I think it’s the way to go. We convert people with love and service, not argument or preaching. And if they are not converted, they are served. That’s what Christianity is all about. I think people converted through our love and service are more thoroughly converted than those who respond to an intellectual (quasi-spiritual) first discussion. Oh, Eso, what mess in Japan???? When I first read it, I skimmed and missed the date (I often miss the point entirely LOL) and I thought, “geez, she was in Japan after WWII? I had no idea she was that old.” |
Because it seems to me that the girls who go on missions are more often than not those who reach the age of 21 unmarried and without prospects in romance or life, so they go on a mission. *ouch* That’s very unfair. In my family ward here in D.C., I’d say a good third of the Relief Society went on missions, and most of the female leaders are return missionaries. It seems to me that the girls who go on missions want their lives to matter and what they do to matter, and they don’t change when they get home, so they continue to pursue things that “matter.” This means the most educated, most accomplished women are accomplished in many different areas, including religious. When you’re young and fiery and want to make a difference in the world and have a testimony, going on a mission is a natural choice. |
We had on pair of Russian sisters in one of my areas, one in her late 40′s, the other in her mid 30′s. They hardly lived up to an “apostolic character”- quiet dignity or whatever you want to call it- but they loved me and could chat anybody up about the church. It was always productive. We had one of those “baptism booms” in the area when they were there. They found and my comp and I taught. I don’t take much credit other than the fact that they trusted us and would often “talk us up” to potential investigators and members, mostly women. So the women would chat up their friends and we had a number of families and youth join the church and stay. As a matter of fact, we often had people simply approach us asking to be baptized. The whole time we had a great branch mission leader and willing branch missionaries. After some initial nerves and rocky discussions with the branch missionaries, they excelled in checking up on the new converts and helping them. These branch missionaries were all sisters. I think this success happened for three reasons: 1) These sisters did not act like Elders in any way, not even Elders at their best. They found their niche as sisters and focused completely on sharing the Gospel. 2) We did a good job of consistently earning trust in the Branch. 3) We had a good, willing branch mission leader (incidentally, not a sister) and missionaries. I had no pre-conceived notions about sisters going into the field. At least I didn’t see how anything I heard could be credible, considering the maturity of Elders in general. In my own experience, the sisters were absolutely needed and the reason for many, many conversions to the church, not just investigators, but members as well. |
We had a few clinically depressed Elders and no mentally unhealthy sisters. |
At age 5 I came home from a missionary themed Primary activity and announced to my mother that I was going to serve a mission. This was “back in the day” when only young women who couldn’t get married would go…and it was very rare. She never discouraged me overtly – but it was difficult for her to comprehend that it would actually happen. As years went by, and Mom saw the sincerity in my goal, she was a great supporter. I was a forward thinking little girl who never let what others preconceived notions effect me. I never lost my enthusiasm and goal to that end. I often felt that I had to defend my goal as just as worthy as that of the Young Men. I am very happy to see that this is not the case now. I am so thankful that I had that goal. I encourage my daughters and every Young Woman I meet to make it theirs – and to strive just as diligently as every Young Man to prepare. Preparing to serve a full-time mission prevented me from marrying too young – and especially from marrying the wrong person. It took all the pressure off of me in the “marriage arena”. I had a higher purpose. It motivated every choice I made including keeping worthy in all ways to serve, strengthening my mastery and testimony of the scriptures, learning to cook nutritious meals for two, sew and mend my clothing, and budget my expenses. I studied the history and doctrines of the church, and I associated with others who supported my goals and lived the same standards. If every Young Woman of the LDS faith would be encouraged and prepared equally in this endeavor it would not only strengthen their self-worth, and validate their potential and unique skills as women, but it would also prepare them in every way to be “saintly homebuilders …[and] successful ambassadors of Christ”. If a young woman happened to choose marriage over mission in the end – how much more prepared and blessed would she and her companion be! Return sister missionaries are the cream of the crop. They have experience, poise, knowledge and maturity beyond their years. They have learned how to listen to and follow the spirit personally in their lives. They have learned how to teach and defend the Gospel. They have learned that they can succeed against all odds. These sisters are absolutely the best prepared women in the church for the crushing challenges that await them in marriage and child-rearing. If a young woman does not develop these spiritual, mental and maturity skills serving a full-time mission, then she must do so during her early marriage years – placing greater stress on themselves, and their eternal companion. Every young man returning from a mission that has an ounce of intelligence to grasp these truths has unequivocally stated that they will ONLY marry a returned sister missionary! Serving my full-time mission was the most challenging and difficult experience of my young life. It was a survival experience physically, emotionally and spiritually. It taught me how to live with difficult personalities, how to compromise, and how to work things out and be a successful team. (What better way to prepare for marriage!?) It also afforded me the unique joy of seeing souls enter the waters of baptism that I was guided to and privileged to teach. My unique personality and abilities were needed for those individuals. I thank God regularly that I was allowed to go through this refiners fire. I treasure the experiences that the Lord tailor made to use my strengths and abilities – and to offer me the personal growth that I needed. Serving a full-time mission has shaped the woman, worker, wife, mother, friend and ambassador for the church that I am today. I join my voice with yours. I believe very strongly that in order to see the ultimate growth and success in every aspect desired (within and without), the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints MUST “throw wide the mission doors to the “lady missionaryâ€!! |
In my mission in Brazil we had a large contingent of native sister missionaries. Most of them were really fantastic. When a sister did need extra help, however, she would usually need A LOT of extra help. My wife and one of my sisters served missions. I think sister missionaries are great! That said, my wife’s experience was very different than my own. On her mission most of her companions were unstable. She had one or two companions who were great but was told by the mission president that he couldn’t keep them together too long because he needed to pair the good sisters with the problematic sisters so as to not pair the worst sisters together. The result was that my wife’s mission was a very difficult time because she was constantly dealing the the issues of her companions. I think one of the difficulties for sister missionaries is training. There is no leadership structure for sisters in the mission field. With the elders, you have experienced missionaries (district leaders, zone leaders, assistants and even the mission president) who can split with the elders and teach them ways to be effective, by example. With the sisters, there is no established leadership other than trainers and companions. In my mission there was usually no more than one companionship of sisters in a district, so splits with other companionships were difficult. |
“With the elders, you have experienced missionaries (district leaders, zone leaders, assistants and even the mission president) who can split with the elders and teach them ways to be effective, by example.” LOL on that one! I’m sure there are many missions where the elders in leadership positions are really great and have wisdom to impart. I can count on one hand the leaders I encountered who met that description. In my mission, many of the leaders were jocks whose idea of their responsibility was to hold a pep rally or yell about numbers or get in your face with “trash-talking” challenges. Missionaries of both genders who had an ounce of sense in their head or were there for the right reasons just ignored them. Since sisters don’t do the interviews or perform baptisms, they do have access to plenty of examples. I did joint teaches on many occasions (two companionships). Good missionaries can always find good role models if they are looking, regardless of their sex. |
Katie, I can only think of three women in my ward (of 108) who served missions. They’re all pretty cool women. My conclusion remains the same, despite their coolness. We did have a couple of girls go on missions. Two got pretty sick, but stuck it out. One lasted only a week in the MTC. |
Oh, and the elderly widows, or couples, that’s a whole different story. I was repeating what one missionary said to me specifically of his experience in the MTC and on his mission: the sister missionaries were either complete messes or totally awesome. Maybe nobody else thinks that, about unmarried girls going on missions for lack of anything else to do. But it appears to be that way here. You go on a mission, get married, or you’re a wild slut who doesn’t care about religion. It seems that for the committed active Mormon young woman in Utah, mission or marriage are the only choices. Never mind me, I’m very very upset because I didn’t get to do Niblets. AND I WILL BE COMPAINING ABOUT THAT FOR A LONG TIME1 |
Hawkgrrrl, Sorry, I’m only speaking from experience, an experience that I understand was not typical. I had a pretty remarkable, straight-laced, strict mission with very few malcontents. Most of the missionaries conformed to mission standards. |
Annegb– RE: Ammon approach The social aspect of life is a huge barriar to conversion to the Church in Japanese society, and Ammon was an attempt to answer that, but it failed. |
annegb: When I went on a mission, I left from Utah. I was, granted, the only girl in my acquaintance to do so except for one roommate. She was also not from Utah, interestingly. She was a musician and an engineer and went because she loved the gospel and everything she did she did all out. Since she was religious, that meant going on a mission. I decided to go…I had so many reasons, but not a single one of them was because I wasn’t married and didn’t know what else to do. It is possible that one of them was because I didn’t go to school outside of Utah and so I wanted to leave without actually walking away. I was longing for adventure, I wanted to be a better person, I wanted to experience everything life had to offer, and I wanted to glow. I don’t know if many missionaries go out of vanity, but I had seen the older sister of a friend come home and she positively floated with how happy it made her. She was beautiful. I wanted to be that happy, and I figured that since I planned on spending most of my twenties dedicating my life to my schooling, I could dedicate a measly year and a half to my religion. Maybe this is another Utah/non-Utah divide? Maybe if the expectation isn’t to get married while you’re still a teenager, then going on a mission is seen as part of a full life rather than a lowly alternative to an actual life. |
Eso, consider the operative phrase: ” It seems that for the committed active Mormon young woman in Utah, mission or marriage are the only choices. I guess “in Utah” is the operative part. |
Sure, Annegb–we all come from different places and I would guess there are even wild variations within UT. It is amazing what a few likable RM sisters called to YW can do as examples for their girls to change expectations a bit. I hope you will also take that one guys comments about sisters being crazy with a grain of salt…. |
I don’t know, every sister missionary I’ve had over to dinner has been a little strange. And coming from me, that’s saying something. But there is that other side as well, the really awesome girls. You run into them at temple squar a lot. You know,jacking the thread, my niece told me she had her junior and senior boys (her sons are junior and senior, respectively) come in and talk to the girls and it sounded pretty cool what they said. |
Annegb: it makes sense that the best and brightest sister missionaries get assigned to Temple Square. However, I like to see a few ordinary people mixed in, otherwise being amongst of a bunch of over-achiever type-A types gives me the willies. There’s a drug manufacturing company in Indianapolis, Eli Lilly, that hires only over-achiever or similar outgoing type personality people, for _all_ positions. I took a tour there once, and ate in the cafeteria, and even noticed that personality type among the servers in the cafeteria line. And then eating in the dining area just totally creeped me out and made me feel inferior. It’s interesting that a large portion of the stake leadership work for them. But that’s not a bad thing. |
“But it appears to be that way here. You go on a mission, get married, or you’re a wild slut who doesn’t care about religion. It seems that for the committed active Mormon young woman in Utah, mission or marriage are the only choices.” Annegb, I’m not sure I can disagree with your statement about the only options open to women in Utah. I’m not from Utah, but I do attend school here, and I’ve seen this terribly sad scenario played out over and over. Perhaps that is because young women in areas of high Mormon concentration are expected to focus solely on those two choices. Any other options (like pursuing post-baccalaureate education or career interests) are seen as unacceptable for a good Mormon girl. I am amazed at how many Utah college women, when honored for their academic achievements, interject apologetically, “But I really want to be a mom.” As though such activities are prohibitive of marriage and motherhood. This wouldn’t happen in a non-LDS college. Young women anywhere else see a world of opportunities available to them. I think the stigmas attached to sister missionaries arise in great part because of preconceived notions and our relatively small numbers. People expect sister missionaries to be the marriage rejects, and so our actions and attributes are automatically filtered through a lens of suspicion and disapproval. Our small numbers automatically thrust us into the limelight. Sure, there were sister missionaries in my mission that were bizarre, but there were also elders who struggled with emotional problems. It’s just that with so many elders and so few sisters in the mission, they faded into the background and we stood out. The sister with depression is bound to stick out in a group of 20 sisters, whereas the elder that lost it and ran away several times blends into a group of 100 elders. Hawkgrrl, I loved your description of the jock leaders on your mission! It brought back memories of leaders on my mission who made us drink water until we threw up so we could really “feel” the baptisms we were supposed to be getting. I could tell you some horror stories about leadership in my mission, but I don’t want to frighten anyone… ; ) |
[...] by Edje, I dug this out of the archives. Originally posted in slightly different form here. [...] |
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