Mormon Mentality - Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People » Oh Great Uterus! I have Uterus envy!

By Devyn S.

Jun. 10th, 2008 at 10:42 am

My wife has had two children. One of the many things that has amazed me about this process has been the uterus. Here is a muscle that is usually the size of a fist that can expand over nine months to the size of a hollow watermelon. During childbirth it is powerful enough to expel an infant while at the same time cause excruciating pain due to the power of its contractions (at least it sure looked excruciating). Then it magically shrinks back to its former size in a few weeks time. Now men who think they are strong must take note - it takes years of exercise and supplements (not the Barry Bonds kind) to build up your biceps or other muscles to noticably expand them, while the uterus can do this in 9 months without the supplements and regardless of the exercise fitness of its owner.

If only my biceps were like the uterus, I would be extraordinarily strong… I don’t know why a female would have envy of any particular male body part, when they have the strongest, most powerful muscle around…

1. ESO

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 11:44am

Devyn said: “it takes years of exercise and supplements to build up your biceps or other muscles to noticably expand them, while the uterus can do this in 9 months”

Devyn–it helps a lot to have a parasite inside the muscle that grows to the size of a watermelon! Maybe if your bicep had a parasite, that would make it grow.

I know of no woman who envys any part of the male anatomy. Maybe I just don’t know the right kind of woman….

2. Devyn S.

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 12:16pm

Good point on the parasite - not sure I can replicate that one. Funny you should say that, but one hears about “penis envy” a lot but I don’t know of any women who openly claim to have it. Perhaps it is another fallacy driven by males who want to feel superior to females…

3. Duke of Earl Grey

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 12:19pm

Homer Simpson said it best, “We’re a team. It’s uter-US, not uter-YOU!”

4. makakona

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 12:34pm

kind of a nice post… in a weird sort of way. we’re pregnant with baby four and my body never ceases to amaze me. my husband has shared his own awe and amazement at what my body is capable of and how divinely designed the whole pregnancy and childbirth things is. it’s kind of a cool deal that us women get.

5. annegb

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 12:40pm

I don’t envy any male body part. I think ultra sounds might have changed, but if you want to somewhat empathize with your wife, drink a couple gallons of water, hold it until you think you’ll burst and then have her jump on your belly. I wish Bill had done that when I had my ultra sounds and he was telling me to calm down, I was over-reacting.

6. Guy Noir, Private Eye

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 1:04pm

if ever there c/would be an invitation for the Full Spectrum (fundy to feminist) of views, This thread will be IT’ Hold On, Everyone!

7. Bored in Vernal

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 1:07pm

I will admit to penis envy only on camping trips or long car rides when the boys can find relief in an empty Sprite bottle and the girls must suffer in silence. At such times the mighty uterus is poor compensation.

8. Dan

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 1:27pm

our bodies are at the same time the frailest of creations and the strongest of creations. I am constantly amazed at both ends of the spectrum.

9. Devyn S.

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 2:13pm

#3 DEG - I love Homer - always says it like it is…

#4 Makakona - thanks (I guess ). I too am in awe of the pregnancy process. What an amazing system and childbirth is truly a miraculous event - there are not words to describe how one feels witnessing that process.

#5 Anne - funny, for our first we went to a childbirth course and they had this suit the men would put on to feel what it is like to have all of the extra pounds in your breasts and belly. The course leader would then ask the men to do certain tasks - it gave me a new appreciation to be sure.

#6 - Guy - how so? Seems pretty tame to me.

#7 - BIV - now that is one true advantage the make has, particularly on camping trips and dirty gas station bathroom stops. Of course, we die on average 10 years sooner than women so that sort of puts it into perspective I guess

#8 - Dan - well said. That was one of the aspects of childbirth which amazed me - how close to death the baby and mother get in order to bring the new life into existence. It is an amazing balance…

10. Keryn

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 3:05pm

(sorry if this posts twice…got an error message)

Awesome post, Devyn S. But I would like to quibble–”magically shrinks down to its former size in a few weeks time”. I wish. Shrink it does; near its former size yup; a few weeks, sure. But MAGICALLY? I’m gestating number #4, and positively dreading not the labor, or the newborn sleep schedule, but the uterus-shrinkage contractions. Dude, those things get more and more painful with every child, and the worst is when you are nursing and so you can’t scream in agony–you have to suffer through for the sake of the nursling. Ugh.

Other than that…good point. I too am completely amazed at pregnancy and birth. Who knew my body could do THAT?

11. Science geek lurker

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 3:30pm

Just a friendly science-geek tidbit of information — the uterus is composed of smooth muscle, which is entirely different than the muscles that attach to bones and facilitate movement, like your biceps. Smooth muscle is engineered to stretch and retract easily and is found in most hollow organs. The uterus contracts back to (almost) it’s original shape just like your bladder or stomach do when they have been expanded.

Still, it’s quite an amazing process, nevertheless…

12. Michelle

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 3:31pm

Keryn, I totally agree. (I’m 37 weeks pregnant with #4 & also dreading those afterpains the most!)

13. Devyn S.

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 4:02pm

Keryn and Michelle - thanks for the clarification. As a non-uterus owner, I was aware of the painful contractions when my wife was nursing our second - I had no idea such a thing occurred. I wonder how my mom survived 11 pregnancies and births. Good luck to you!

Science Geek Lurker - thanks for the clarification - I realize the uterus has three layers of smooth muscle, but wanted to simplify it, but mea culpa for not being scientifically accurate - thanks for the reminder.

14. Michelle Glauser

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 4:14pm

Oh brother. If you had something growing in your biceps, they would grow just as fast.

15. Tagore

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 4:51pm

This reminds me of a Lucille Clifton poem: Poem to My Uterus (scroll down just past the poem “Homage to My Hips”)

16. Devyn S.

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 5:13pm

Cool poem - thanks Tagore

17. nasamomdele

Tue, Jun. 10 @ 10:44pm

I’ve been told I have some kind of snakes in my biceps.

18. doubleL

Mon, Jun. 16 @ 1:31pm

There’s pain after!? My husband and I are trying for our first and it’s amazing what I learn everyday that just makes this whole process sound horrible. I kinda wish I didn’t know anything!

19. Devyn S.

Mon, Jun. 16 @ 2:59pm

Double L - the uterine cramping pain after the birth is usually on subsequent pregnancies, not the first. Oh course there is plenty of other pain you will find I am sure, but the payoff is worth it.

20. doubleL

Tue, Jun. 17 @ 2:56pm

Yes, yes. Everyone always tells me the same horror stories and then finishes with, “oh but it’s worth every bit”.

Uh huh

21. Devyn S.

Thu, Jun. 19 @ 9:33am

Double L - that is what everyone told us when my wife was pregnant with #1 - she was pretty convinced she did not want to do it again, then after the first was born and we had enjoyed him for a year or so, I think her mind had erased the bad memories, but they rapidly returned once she was pregnant with #2.