Because sex before marriage is so common, the fact that many LDS members wait to have sex until we are married has become increasingly difficult to believe among non-LDS circles. I’m no longer phased by the incredulous responses that usually follow when the topic comes up. More challenging can be finding an effective response to the most common argument presented against abstaining from pre-marital sex: how can you know you’ll be sexually compatible with someone unless you’ve had sex with them before you get married?

There’s no question that sex is a highly important part of marriage, and lack of sexual compatibility could present major problems for a relationship. President Spencer Kimball acknowledged, “If you study the divorces, as we have had to do in these past years, you will find that there are … four reasons. Generally, sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 332) If President Kimball is correct, the proponent of the sexual compatibility argument would seem to be onto a potentially effective solution.

One response I like to use with my incredulous colleagues is to ask them if they know of anyone who waited until she was married to have sex, who then discovered that she was sexually incompatible with her spouse. But because most people I’ve encountered in this type of discussion know almost no one who has waited to have sex until marriage, my question is admittedly evading the point (though it does tend to stump my colleagues).

But most readers here will know many who waited to have sex until they were married. What are your observations? Do you think the sexual compatibility argument is accurate?