I present my kids with choiceless choices all the time:

“You can clean your room happy, or you can clean your room sad, you choose.”

A choiceless choice is basically a way of getting what you want without coming right out and asking for it. It’s a trick used on kids and adults. The kids usually don’t realized they are being manipulated. Adults (like you) obviously do. Would you prefer your wife had said, “You know, I’d really prefer having a date night with you.” I’m sure your choice would have been the same, but would you feel differently about it?

Threadjack: Going to the temple qualifies as “a night out”???

Jota G: Good point. Kids get choiceless choices all the time.

ESO: Yes, in Africa that might be polite. But I like the idea of bringing that same mentality to the US. For example, as someone approaches an elevator with an armful of boxes, “Would you like me to hold the door for you?” And then as the doors close before the person reaches the elevator, “Just checking to see what your preference might be! See you later!”

Re the World Cup: But seriously, isn’t that good family time?

matilda: Good to hear from you. Well put. I’d prefer a straight up discussion rather than a choiceless choice.

Orwell: Agreed. I think I’m going to try it out

SingleSpeed and queuno: I heard someone recently say that eating at the temple cafeteria and then doing an endowment session is “dinner and a movie.” I’m inclined to agree with you guys, but we usually do more than just go to the temple.

On the other hand, I imagine there are a lot of people with kids who might feel differently. Getting out of the house and being together without the kids, no matter what you are doing, might be a night out.

I don’t know Queuno, the Dallas Temple serves prime rib on Friday nights. My wife and I have a nice undisturbed conversation over an inexpensive meal that neither of us had to prepare, then we go through a session (or do sealings if we don’t want to dedicate 2+ hours). We get ice cream afterwards. I rather enjoy our temple “dates.”

Seriously? I had no idea. Then again, I don’t think I’ve ever attended a session on a Friday night (mornings or early afternoons tend to work best, while the kids are in school).

It’s very choice.

But I still think that certain activities might necessary trump a choiceless choice and bring it back into the realm of the a choice – Game 1 of the World Series at the “Temple” in Arlington, might trump a night at the temple in Dallas. (Of course, that’s a fictional, hypothetical, event.)

Has someone who raised 9+ kids…most definitely going to the temple counts as a “night out”. Anything that got us both out of the house together counted as a night out.

This was especially true when we lived in San Diego and after the San Diego temple opened. There are couches at the top of the spiral staircase in the east spire; we would do a session, go up into the sealing area, over to the spiral staircase, and sit in those couches for a good 30 to 60 minutes, talking quietly about all the important things in our lives. It’s been over a decade since we lived in San Diego, and I still miss those couches. ..bruce..

stevens – “There is always a choice…” this is true but being manipulated into making a specific choice is difficult to take even if you realize it’s the “best” choice in a given situation.

Orwell – You answered the question: “Do men present women with choiceless choices?” with, “Not usually.” but in talking with other women I think men do, in deed, present their wives with “choiceless choices” but in a different fashion. I have had this problem in my own marriage, and heard of it in others, where Husband calls Wife and says, “I’m still at the game/bar/party and know I said I would be home 30 minutes from now but do you mind if I stay for another 30 minutes/2 hours/lifetime?” Which leaves Wife in the position of saying either (1) “Yes, I do mind. Come home now!” which puts her in the roll of either warden or Mommy (neither is good) or (2) “Sure, sweetheart. Stay as long as you’d like.” while she waits at home seething over her husband’s inability to come home when he originally planned. It’s framed differently than the more typical Wifely “choiceless choice” but is just as manipulative regardless of how it’s presented.

Sorry!

My husband: “I’m willing to help you if you really want me to.”