“Many people have gone into unnecessary debt and now are without homes. We told you so…”

There will be about five or six reaffirmations of the Church’s political neutrality policy. Might go something like this…

“We want to emphasize that the Church does not take positions in political elections, even though more than 90% of self-identified LDS members vote for the GOP — even more than Evangelical Christians.

“Church buildings or resources or testimony meetings to be used for political purpose, except as directed by the Spirit to correct ‘points of doctrine’ that might lead someone down the garden path to liberalism–err, hell.

“LDS members are more than welcome to vote for that inexperienced left-winger with the funny name(s) and his Botoxed windbag sidekick. We do not endorse in any way the maverick former fighter-pilot with the record of reform, nor do we formally encourage or discourage ‘Palin Appreciation Nights’ as an Enrichment activity.

I predict that President Monson will stand up in the priesthood session, hold up a talk and say,

Brethren, I came here tonight prepared to name the exact date when Christ is coming, and this is the talk that I’d planned to give. I’m sorry to say that I cannot give this talk, because the Lord tells me that I’ve got to give you a talk that tells you to stop looking at the porn.

Furthermore, I predict that there will be 3 talks that tell men to stop looking at the porn.

Also (and this is my last prediction about the porn) Dalin Oaks gave a talk in General Conference telling men to stop looking at the porn, and in that talk he used the term “porn queens.” I think that one of the talks that tells men to stop looking at the porn will refer to “the German scat porn.”

I predict that a female general authority will give a talk that generates a whirlwind of controversy online, and that women bloggers will pillory her for everything from her speech mannerisms to her hair cut and her inability to empathize with the plight of women who don’t have to prepare lengthy talks and deliver them to millions of people.

I predict that the church will lift the coffee ban due to the fact that coffee is such a huge factor in the economy of countries wherein the church is growing fastest.

Lastly, I predict that Jesus will not interrupt this session with a personal appearance, but that if He did, it would be to tell us to stop looking at the porn.

I think they would change the block to two hours before they’d make it an hour longer.

Danithew,

Mine was meant with a bit of a chuckle. . . ;)