This question occurred to me when my new visiting teacher came to visit. She’s a darling woman, so sweet and caring, very spiritual. She asked me with a sort of wistful tone, “Do you still have a testimony?” I said, “yes.” but I felt like I was lying. Although I wasn’t. I do still have a testimony. But I don’t think it matters as much as it used to. A couple of days ago, she brought me cookies (you guys, they were those little shaped butter cookies, I ate every one, they were so good, homemade!) and a complete synopsis of the talks in church, both were by men I’ve found lacking, but aren’t we all? Lacking, that is.

I thought, though, that she doesn’t seem to understand that I feel closer to God than ever before. She appeared to dismiss my comment that I pray and study the scriptures and feel spiritually active (although, I must say, this is as much out of reaching a personal bottom and having nowhere else to turn, but it appears that God was waiting for that to happen and He was sure right there).

Carol Lyn Pearson once said to me that sometimes it seems that we LDS people worship the family over the Lord and we put so much emphasis on having the perfect family that we forget about why we’re here. I found that comment so profound.

I’ve pondered that and my visiting teacher’s emphasis on church activity and dismay over my lack of it. Why are Mormons so task oriented and dedicated to the “business” of church activity? Why do we appear so often to lack spirituality in our meetings? Is this all my own perception, based on my own disenchantment? Perhaps it’s in southern Utah, (I think we’ve had this discussion here before), but I’ve found that people here are measured by their activity and the “highness” of their callings. By following the checklist.

It makes me wonder, also, how many are going through the motions of activity without feeling the E-motion of spirituality and closeness to and dependence on God in their everyday lives.

Just wandering thoughts, does anyone have insight?