Mormon Mentality - Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People

By DKL

Dec. 24th, 2008 at 10:45 pm

As far as Santa goes, he’s way too commercial for my tastes. I’ll have no part of Santa. I never mention him at all to my kids, and I refuse to say that presents are from Santa. Instead, I talk to my kids about Santo (pronounced SANT-oh). I tell them that Santo delivers the presents and that Santo is watching from the North Pole with his elves to see whether they’re naughty or nice and we leave cookies out for Santo (my girls even made a “Cookies for Santo” plate especially for him). Santo is like Santa only he’s not as commercial, and he wears a blue suit instead of a red suit. And when my kids ask where Santo comes from, I answer like this:

Persecution forced early Christians to hide underground, where Christian parents would bring presents for their children, because they sometimes took poorly to the subterranean excursions, especially when it was cold, and the parents would say that the presents were dropped in from above.

Therefore, all the little Christian children believe in Santo.

And that is The Legend of Santo.

1. BrianJ

Thu, Dec. 25 @ 1:01am

What an original tradition! The sad thing is, now that you’ve publicized Santo, the whole world is going to adopt your tradition and Santo will become just as commercial as Santa.

2. DKL

Thu, Dec. 25 @ 1:27pm

BrianJ: What an original tradition!

I can tell that you’re being sarcastic here, and I don’t think that’s fair. Santo is more different from Santa than you think. Just to name a few more differences:

1. Santo says, “Hey, Hey, Hey” instead of “Ho, Ho, Ho.”
2. Santo does not have a surname like Santa Claus does. He’s just Santo.
3. There is no Mrs. Santo. Santo lives in sin with a woman named Gertrude (last name withheld).
4. Santo has only 9 fingers, because a small, trollish swamp-creature bit one of Santo’s fingers off to gain the ring worn thereupon.

3. BrianJ

Thu, Dec. 25 @ 5:12pm

Well, it’s true that I was being a bit sarcastic. And perhaps it is for that bit of naughtiness that Santo skipped my house this year.

4. Bookslinger

Thu, Dec. 25 @ 9:03pm

Sounds like when I invented the Hannukah Pizza.

5. Mark S

Sun, Dec. 28 @ 2:34am

Is it an important part of the tradition that Santo’s name clearly indicates he’s male?

6. John Hamer

Mon, Dec. 29 @ 1:23am

Ok, I was totally dubious about Santo at first, but once you spelled out the differences in your response #2, you sold me. Hey, Hey, Hey, Happy Xmas!

7. Tagore

Tue, Dec. 30 @ 3:50pm

Wait a minute… Is Santo black? A fat black character who calls out, “Hey, hey, hey”? That’s not Santo; that’s Fat Albert!

8. DKL

Tue, Dec. 30 @ 7:26pm

This is proof that Santo is already a cultural icon: some of the commenters seem to see a little bit of themselves in Santo. For Mark S, he’s most definitely a man, much like Mark is. For Tagore, he’s a fat black guy, just like Togore.

John, I’m glad #2 convinced you.

Bookslinger, one doesn’t “invent” something like Santo any more than one can “invent” something like “Chuck Norris.”

Just as a frame of reference, the Santo idea came to me from something that Woody Allen says when he turns into an Hassidic rabbi in his movie “Take the Money and Run”:

And so. The reason we celebrate the Passover holidays by eating Matzo, is to commemorate the time Moses led the children of Israel from Egypt.

I saw this movie many years ago, before I knew anything at all about Judaism, and it was the first time that I’d ever heard Matzah pronounced “Matzo.” It struck me as funny. So if Santa is going to have competition, I decided it should be from someone named “Santo,” and it should have a slightly irrelevant, but whacky story associated with it. (The Woody Allen clip in question is right here — it’s a classic!)