27 Comments | leave a comment | RSS 2.0 for this post | trackback |
| Tuesday, May 21, 2013 |
|
- A Bird's Eye View
- A Motley Vision
- Adventures in Mormonism
- Blognitive Dissonance
- Book of Mormon Blog
- By Common Consent
- Ethesis
- Face of the Other
- Faith Promoting Rumor
- Feminist Mormon Housewives
- Flooding the Earth With the Book of Mormon
- Golden Road to Samarqand
- Head Life
- Just Sayin'
- Juvenile Instructor
- Messanger & Advocate
- Millennial Star
- Mormon Matters
- Mormon Mommy Wars
- New Cool Thang
- Nine Moons
- Old Testament Blog
- Our Mother's Keeper
- Proud Daughter of Eve
- Segullah
- Sunstone Blog
- Times & Seasons
- Wheat and Tares
- Zelophehad's Daughters
If word gets around at Church that you have a gay knee, you might find some people hiding their children from you, but I think most people will express love and support. There are also zombies in the movies I Am Legend and Newsies. |
As long as your gay knee ligament behaves itself, it should be OK. You should stand at F&T meeting and declare publicly “I love my dead gay ligament!” (bonus points for getting the reference) |
It should be noted that you are responsible for your own sins, not your zombie ligament’s transgressions… |
queuno (2), I love that line from Heathers. |
We are never taller than when we are on our zombie knees. |
Wow–you have fun colleagues. |
A bigger question than the sexual orientation of your knee ligament would be the gender. Don’t you know that you were created as a male or female? And there you go mixing genders. I’d pull your temple recommend if you weren’t 100% pure anymore… |
queuno, Ellsworth, and danithew: LOL! It does raise some very tricky doctrinal and policy questions. I mean, if it is a female ligament, it holds the priesthood by virtue of being part of me. On the other hand, does it make me potentially eligible to hold female callings, like RSP or YWP? |
I’d worry more about making sure your zombie ligament has received all of the saving ordinances—no use living a righteous life if your thrust down to hell on account of your heathen knee. btw, based on the generous response from your coworkers, have you thought of announcing any other medical procedures? Just think of the loot you’d score if you got a tooth with a gold crown. |
So when you rise from the dead shall you rise with the new Zombie ligament or the older broken ligament? If the zombie ligament is stronger do you get to choose it? I mean maybe the zombie ligament is from a really strong 23 year old dude. But what if he wants his ligament back? Does your impending godhood in the CK trump his telestial rights to his ligament? Who do you sue and it what venue to get your ligament out of the dude who has it in the CK? St Peter? Moroni? Does Solomon apear in the celestial court and pronounce a severing of the ligament and you each get half? |
As the resident zombie expert of the bloggernacle, I can tell you that pop culture is reaching its zombie saturation point; I predict a precipitous drop-off over the next two years. |
Dude, I saw the way you crossed your legs pre-surgery… so I’m pretty sure your knee was already gay. |
BrianJ: Good point. It’s likely that my knee now has none of the saving ordinances. I wonder how I’d go about doing the ordinances? bbell: LOL. Those are excellent questions. I don’t know if any theology is equipped to answer them. TOTAL Nathan: I’d like to see some credentials, please. Orwell: And don’t think I didn’t notice how flirtatious you always were with my knee. |
What kind of gifts might you receive if you get a colonoscopy? |
Tagore: do you keep in mind that the original owner of the ligament is going to get it back in the resurrection? “Hey, thanks for letting me use your ligament for XX years. I appreciate it.” “No prob. Glad part of my old physical self was of use to someone while I was in the Spirit World. The rest of me just became worm-food.” Hmm, now suppose you’re still alive at the 2nd Coming, and you are worthy to survive the day. And suppose the donor qualifies to be resurrected that morning or afternoon. Can the donor get it back while you’re still living out your mortal pre-twinkling life? Would you have to suffer your knee to revert to it’s pre-surgical state in order for them to get their ligament back? Or would you be miraculously healed in order that you suffered no loss in the transfer of the ligament back to its rightful owner? Since there will be no injuries or sickness in the Millennium, does that mean that all those who survive the day of the 2nd Coming are healed of all their infirmities? I think so. So I’m hoping you get your original knee in its fixed/healed configuration, and the donor gets their parts back. |
bbell, #10. Sorry, I didn’t read your comment before posting mine. I think everyone gets their respective parts back. Simultaneous resurrection shouldn’t be a problem. The Lord can sort that out. Resurrection of one while the other is still in the grave shouldn’t be a problem either. The one in the grave can wait. The main question I see is if the donor resurrects while Tagore is still living in mortality. There’s Tagore, rejoicing in the 2nd Coming, and that morning (or afternoon) this guy (or gal) on crutches comes up and taps him on the shoulder and says “Um, hey dude, excuse me, but…” |
Tagore: as you know, the Church frowns upon submitting names for proxy work for people who are not your ancestors. So some good news is that your zombie knee expands your potential list! Maybe your knee is related to someone famous, like Obama’s mom or Elvis. As for administering ordinances to your knee, I assume the initial instruction falls in the missionaries’ jurisdiction, and they shouldn’t have too much trouble finding a member to accompany them on those visits; as you note, zombies are very popular these days. I’m really more concerned about the fellowshipping after baptism: will your knee make friends in the ward, find a suitable calling (nothing too stressful, of course—like ward greeter), etc.? It’d be a real tragedy if your knee went inactive. |
Tagore, if you need proof, check out TOTAL Nathan’s blog: |
Boston Police Department: We Will Let You Know When The Zombies Come |
And yet, the Boston Police Department has failed to notify the public at large about Tagore. |
I sense Tagore’s ward needs a Ward MissioKNEEary Leader to help convert the new ligaments… |
Bookslinger: I think you’re right on. Could be very awkward. BrianJ (17): Interesting idea. So if my knee went inactive, and the rest of my body was active, we’d have a part-member situation. danithew: Thanks for the link; that’s good enough for me. Orwell: ROTFLMAO! |
And not to get too personal, but assuming you’re married, your spouse could soon be guilty of adultery following any…intimacies. Something to think about—at least until polygamy is reinstated. Bookslinger: I think the way this is worked out is that if you are an organ donor then you get to rise in the earliest resurrection of any of your tissue/organ recipients. At least that’s what they told me to get me to check the “donor” box on my driver’s license. |
The zombie narrative is very prevalent in western civilization. The zombie is the other that we cannot appropriate, and it tantalizes us endlessly. We want to own the zombie, but it proves elusive: she either eats our brain or she dies; it is always either the humans or the zombies — never both. Thus, the zombie narrative takes the form of a “save the world” showdown. Furthermore, the zombie’s ontological status is that of a mutation of humanity that is driven unrestrainedly by appetite, which problematizes the fundamental underpinnings of rationality. Rationality is the hallmark of humanity, and the survival-of-the-fittest contest between humans and zombies leads us to question whether rationality and intellect are actually evolutionary advantages. In essence, the contest asks whether we’d be better off without rationality and intellect, especially when the zombies win, as they do in classic zombie movies like Omega Man (starring none-other-than Moses himself, Charlton Heston). Lastly, the zombie lacks both life and free will, and so there is no moral ambiguity involved in killing her. This leaves us free to vicariously enjoy the violence aimed at them. A 1st person shooter game set in an elementary school is deplorable, but a 1st person shooter game that kills zombie monsters is suitable even for very small children. The growth in popularity of zombie narratives in western civilization is due primarily to actor Bruce Campbell, whose career as an actor has pushed zombies out of the shadows and into the popular imagination. Bruce Campbell has therefore had an unparalleled impact on the development of western civilization. Having killed more zombies than any other actor, living or dead, Bruce Campbell has come to embody the ultimate hero, and the savior of mankind. It is fitting that one of his greatest rolls was that of The King, Elvis Presley. Chuck Norris doesn’t stand a chance. |
I wonder if within Mormon theology the zombie would be considered a special/peculair manifestation of spirit prison. My concern for Tagore is that his zombie knee might become a glorified zombie knee in the resurrection … and who knows what havoc that would wreak. |
Bruce Campbell is the greatest. |
DKL: Thank you for the insightful and compelling analysis. I had never thought of Bruce Campbell as a Christ figure or driving force behind the development of western civilization. Indeed it might be said that Bruce Campbell has done more for our salvation save Jesus Christ and Joseph Smith, than anyone else. Our collective failure to better educate our children about his contributions is sure to stand as a severe indictment at the last day. |
