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| Wednesday, June 19, 2013 |
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Double standard. One of the speakers today told us that the Bishop, to make up for decades of gift-less Father’s Days from the ward (as opposed to Mother’s Day, where every year the women get flowers) had bought a Rolex for every man in the ward. |
I think it depends on your ward. Our ward did nothing for mother’s day and nothing for Father’s day (except I think they cancelled most leadership mtgs on Mother’s day so the men could be home). |
Our ward did pretty well… a young woman at each exit from the chapel offered a basket of candy bars for the brethren to select from. But the most meaningful moment came at the Sacrament Meeting benediction, when the good brother bowed his head to pray, and said: I lost it and started crying, as I thought of the reality of God’s fatherhood to me. |
Look up the history of Mothers’ Day. It started off as an anti-war protest by the mothers of Civil War vets. Within a few years it had been twisted into something resembling its current form, which so annoyed the woman that started the movement that she called for the holiday to be abolished. Fathers’ Day started a few decades later simply as a response to the saccharine perversion of Mothers’ Day. So really Fathers’ Day is an echo of a failed attempt at an annual anti-war holiday. Given its pedigree is it any wonder that it sucks? On top of that, Mothers’ Day is such a minefield (and lost legs are common) that I think local leadership is anxious to not have to risk catastrophic offense two months in a row. Men won’t complain about it being dropped, because if they did so they wouldn’t be men. |
Glenn Beck ranted about this disparity on Friday, actually. He said it made him question his faith, and that he’s brought it up to his Bishop. Glenn went on to advocate the gift of edible cookie dough for all fathers everywhere. (arJ, I leave it to you to insert some joke about his manhood here) My ward did some kind of treat for the men today–the foyer trash can was filled with crumpled plastic wrap and ribbons. |
We had a Primary song and a couple of people mention the day then go on to speak about their totally unrelated topic. Other than that, things were normal. None of the men in nursery complained that they were still working in nursery that day. No one exalted or demeaned anyone unnecessarily. No one was annoyed that they got a flower that made them sneeze or candy they didn’t like. Personally, I would have no problem if Mother’s Day were treated the same way. |
As far as the Mothers Day program, we were given bags of chocolates after sweet Primary songs, delightful talks from the youth and the horrible mostly mocking ramblings of a youngish High Priest with serious mother-issues. (The worst Sacrament Meeting talk I’ve ever mostly heard–I ended up leaving the building in disgust) I hope they did better by fathers today. |
My ward handed each man a plastic bag with two Lindt chocolates inside. What says “Happy Father’s Day” better than two balls in a sack? (I know: crass, but still…) As for the double-standard: I think arJ is right. |
It’s nice to hear that ESO’s ward didn’t feminize Fathers’ Day. Fathers’ Day songs and treats are nice, but cancelling meetings and assignments would be confusing Fathers’ Day with Mothers’ Day. As Gardel sang, madre hay una sola. |
TimJ–it IS clearly a double-standard, but why are we so comfortable with it? JES–that actually sounds about right. I would be very happy for these days to be family celebrated. It’s like my ward doesn’t trust my family to do it right, so they give me chocolates. What about Christmas, or my birthday? My family doesn’t do those right, either. Coffinberry–that prayer would have gotten my attention. ARJ–I really don’t think the origins of the holidays had much bearing on the disparate acknowledgments. I do appreciate, however, your stoicism. Tea–now I really want to delete this post, because I don’t want to be anything like Glenn Beck. I will feel slightly superior, though, that the year I was in a position of relative power, I didn’t whine to the Bishop about it, but ensured that we bought and distributed candy bars to the men. Amira–we didn’t even have a Primary song! If we had, I might have been able to feel like we did OK, but without one, we totally failed. Tea–fascinating. We were supposed to have a HC speaker yesterday, but he didn’t show. I heard a truly horrid Mother’s Day talk a few years ago where the man giving it kind of pulled a Julie Beck (but it was before Mothers who Know) but it sounds WAY worse coming from a man. I really felt sorry for his wife, but maybe it was mommy issues? BrianJ–hmmmm, I got 3 Lindt chocolates in a baggy for mother’s day, how does that work? John Mansfield–maybe that was the issue: we didn’t want the men to feel too girly. |
I kind of wondered if the Mother’s Day phenomenon is guilt-driven. We know that moms and people who want to be moms basically are disenfranchised workers in our church and likely unappreciated in their homes, so we make a big show on that one day. Father’s, however, might, if they work, receive a certain amount of acknowledgment from their employment. It is not much, but it is more than many SAHMs get on an average day at home with the kiddies. OK, well that’s a pretty unsatisfactory explanation. I say we deputize the families to celebrate and at Church we just worship. |
Our ward does pie for the adult men at the end of the meetings, served by the youth. I was intrigued by much of the GA rhetoric quoted from the pulpit about the importance of fathers as the spiritual anchors of the home in the latterdays. At one point a quote said that Satan had fathers directly in the crosshairs of his sights. I thought, wait, I thought he was too busy targeting mothers! Interesting. |
jeans–how dramatic! Are we trying to make dads feel important by making them moms, now? Maybe we should scrap the division and celebrate parents with pie. |
Glenn went on to advocate the gift of edible cookie dough for all fathers everywhere. We have half a tub of Nestle’s Toll House cookie dough in our fridge, which my wife refuses to throw out. Are you saying I could send it to Glenn Beck and he would appreciate it? Boy, that’s tempting. |
Last Lemming–I am guessing a case of E Coli will cure Glenn Beck’s Father’s Day grumblings. Try it. |
#3, the essence of the gospel :) #8, well they are the best chocolates LOL The women got ugly plants for Mother’s Day and the dad’s got small pecan pies. I say the men got better. Really, ultimately, who cares? I say just get it over with. |
On Mother’s Day, 3 or 4 women spoke about mother-related topics, the Primary sang a couple songs, and the hymns were picked with an eye toward mothers (including Oh My Father, for reasons very special to the person who chose the hymns). Yesterday, three men spoke on father-related topics, the Primary sang a couple songs, and the hymns were geard toward fathers (including Oh My Father, again chosen very thoughfully). The only difference was, on Mother’s Day, the ward made a donation to a women’s shelter in the name of the women of the ward, while yesterday, I’m not aware of any donation. Both meetings were really good and completely appropriate, I have to say (and not just because I was one of the speakers yesterday). And there was no substantive difference–neither fathers nor mothers were blown off, but the messages were also broadly inclusive on both days. I’d give my ward an A easily for both meetings. |
Interesting – I have never been in a ward where the men received anything although I would be happy with a couple of Lindt chocolates… I think that treating both equally would be better than having a large to do for Mother’s Day, while ignoring Father’s Day |
Mothers day: Chocolate bars |
We got yummy cookies (3) in a nice bag with a hand-written note on the bag. All 3 talks were on fathers and the primary children sang 2 songs (one was a duet with some Dads). Our primary chorister is a dad, so that might explain the decent musical tribute. |
Our Bishop cancelled any before and after meetings so the 3 hour block was it for the day. Sacrament speakers were, from the youth: What I admire about my Dad, from a dear Sister; what my Father means to me and after a Primary song, the HP Group leader speaking about Character traits of the Savior that are found in Righteous Fathers. I did not limit those traits to Fathers only but to all righteous parents. I really appreciate the small, but significant cancelling of Priesthood correlation by the Bishop. |
I agree that both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day should be left for celebration at home. Both can be way to sticky and filled with emotional baggage. As for the question of disparity, there is absolutely a difference. Why? I think it’s because, traditionally, mom’s have been the ones to raise the kids so they get the most credit. But I also think it’s reflective of how dismissive our society has become towards dads in general. |
Mothers Day–when the brother starts off his talk addressing a youth on the stand to counterpoint the boy’s talk “My mom didn’t hint–she’d just hit!”, it’s not a good sign. He kept on *joking* about the abuse, extolling the virtues of her magic shoe that could hit you where you were, even around the corner. Then he started into the ways she showed her unintelligence via an internet forward, how she lacked sympathy for his stupidity… Sorry, ESO, I didn’t want to evoke any feelings of posticide =) It just happened to be an interesting rant so the radio stayed tuned to Glenn’s show for a while. In fact, Last Lemming, he said he would eat that cookie dough. The recall started the discussion, they found a website that sells cookie dough to get him a fix, a caller said she would buy her husband cookie dough instead of Glenn’s book for Fathers Day, and thus, the circle is complete. |
Every year for Father’s Day all the adult men get candy bars: Mr Goodbar or Big Hunk. Our bishop thinks that’s funny. Our talks were about Father’s Day. Youth speaker who told about catching more fish than her dad on a camping trip, and then a couple who both had perfect parents and are perfect parents themselves. At least that’s what I understood the messages to be. Then my wife and I got stuck with Nursery. Yep, nothing to make me feel better on Father’s Day about not being able to have kids than to spend two hours with kids I am glad are not mine. |
After sacrament meeting the youth handed out a scroll with fun & meaningful fatherhood quotes on it and gave each of the men a cupcake with a what appeared to be a lawn mower made out of various candies. . .clever. Then in priesthood meeting the Elders and High Priests met together and some of the RS & PH leadership served us brownies, ice cream, and root bear floats. The meeting was good too. . .a few brethren gave short devotional messages about their fathers and other ancestors and how they influenced their lives. |
CS Eric, I’m so sorry. Father’s and Mother’s Day have got to be the worst days of the year for you. I know it was for us for the 7 years we were in your shoes. Infertility sucks big time. Last year, we were in the second year of our quest to adopt and we were sick of it (The previous year somebody actyally had the nerve to ask my wife why she was even there) so we totally blew off both holidays. We went to Moab for Mother’s Day and Jackson Hole for Father’s Day. THis prompted a stinging rebuke letter from my dad explaining that it was our bad attitude that was the reason we still hadn’t been placed with and calling us to repentance. WTF??? |
Glenn Beck ranted about this disparity on Friday, actually. He said it made him question his faith, and that he’s brought it up to his Bishop. Glenn went on to advocate the gift of edible cookie dough for all fathers everywhere. *praying that the Church does more to offend Brother Beck…* |
We skipped Father’s Day this Year (of course, we were on the vacation trip I’ve been trying to arrange for years now, and we spent Father’s Day at Mt. Rushmore). |
I have never understood the attraction of Mt. Rushmore. |
I have never understood the attraction of Mt. Rushmore. It’s just cool. A guy decides to carve faces into a mountain. And succeeds. |
