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|My Own Private Screwtape|
Jul. 20th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
…continuing the annegb show on Mormon Mentality (where is everybody?)….
I had a Mormon psychic tell me once that I had many very close friends who left with Satan and they know me so well that they know just what buttons to push. I suppose that’s true of all of us, but she says I was particularly conflicted. Which makes perfect sense to me, always trying to control others and make them do the right thing. I can see me being really devastated when they left.
I’ve become aware the last few years of a little “voice” telling me bad things about my husband. Well, him in particular, but also about other situations that lead me to anger, resentment, self pity. I heard it the other day when Bill and I were discussing a trip to San Antonio, which I think we should take to visit our grandsons.
We haven’t seen either boy in a year and they are, respectively, 15 & 19, and I fear losing contact with them. I don’t have any desire to visit the state of Texas, that just doesn’t sound fun to me, but if I have Bill with me, he can push my wheelchair and visit with them if–when I end up flat on my back.
We don’t have any extra money. Really. But plane fares are so cheap and these kids aren’t going to wait to grow up when we’re in the black. It’s not prohibitive. Bill’s dragging his feet as usual.
And that old Screwtape started whispering, “He’s planning a week long vacation in September to go hunting with the guys. He’s saving $$ and vacation days for that. Just like always. You know he has boocoo bucks stashed away somewhere. He’s putting you and the family last….as usual.”
And I believed it! I started to fume. To resent the hell out of him. He’s calmly making pancakes for the visiting children (he won’t eat my pancakes or I’d cook them) (well, he does make really good pancakes) and completely unaware that I’m hating his guts in advance.
I’ve never told him about the little devil voice. But this time, sitting in sacrament, I wrote him a note: “My devil tells me you are saving vacation pay and days to go hunting instead of visiting Casey & Ryan.” He looked a bit astonished and declared, “No! not at all.”
And my resentment evaporated. I wish I’d discussed my screwtape problem with him earlier.
Do you guys have any close friends or relatives who left with the third of the host of heaven who know you so well they can push your buttons and get you to assume all kinds of unreasonable attitudes and act foolish?