Amen, ESO! I totally feel that way. As a single woman, the only thing I need from home teachers is access to priesthood blessings. I can handle the rest of it myself. (Quarterly visits would be great. Monthly is just too big of an imposition on my limited law-student time.)

1. Walk up to your bishop just as he’s about to head into priesthood opening exercises and ask him quite loudly, “Bishop, I was wondering if you could ask the EQ president or HP group leader who my home teachers are?”

2. Go ask your ward clerk to look up the HT assignments in the MLS system.

3. Complain to your VTs that you don’t know who your HTs. That *will* make it back to the RS president, and RS presidents love finding trump cards to throw at priesthood leaders.

I’m rather indifferent to home teachers (ours are instructed that if we don’t call them with an issue, and he’s made a reasonable attempt to contact us, to consider it a visit).

I could send a similar letter many times over in different wards! But here’s a perspective from the wife of your absentee hometeachers:

Dear ESO family:
I’m so sorry you’re on my husband’s list! Let me apologize on his behalf. Hometeaching is one of those things he dreads. Over our years of marriage, I’ve learned that I can’t nag him about it, or make the calls for him, or even do the visits with him (even though I’ve tried all three). It affects our marriage dynamic, and I’m just satisfied that we’re having scripture reading and family prayer and FHE with his participation (even if he doesn’t initiate). I’m happy that he’s active and attends church. But I’m terribly sorry and feel guilty that he doesn’t do his hometeaching, because I’m a faithful visiting teacher and can’t really understand why this is so hard for him. I do know that he hates to make phone calls, and so if he’s paired with someone else who will set up the appointments, he will go. Every year I do try to find out who’s on his list and take them some cookies at Christmastime. If you find out that he’s your hometeacher, and call him, he will be happy to come give blessings or whatever. He just won’t initiate any contact. For some personalities, this assignment really is harder than for others. Hang in there, request a change if you really do want someone to come, and feel some empathy that hometeaching is harder for some than others.
Sincerely,
Wife of your mystery HT

Ardis and Keri–right? Truthfully, they could skip a lot of the families in the ward, but they need to HT the single women.

Jana–Thank you. Sometimes I wish I was in a different ward, too. But most of the time I know this one is just fine.

queuno–yeah, this post is pretty passive-aggressive and whiney. Still, I think it addresses an issue important to some people (as evidenced by comments 1 and 2). I honestly had no idea who the EQ president was until I mentioned to my RS president that I was moving on a certain day that the ward was really busy and assured her she was fine doing what she planned because I hired movers and she said “well Bro. S will be relieved” and I asked why. I just had no idea.

It is interesting to me that us womenfolk who grow up in the Church (Ardis, Kerri, and I) have been taught, and clearly believe that access to the Priesthood is important, and then a man (who has the PH) comes along and says “it;s no biggie.” So which is it?

I am guessing that if you need a PH blessing (which may be rare, in fact I have only had 2 in my life), you do not bless yourself, but call a few friends to come over. But women who do not have spouses at Church are almost entirely cut off from men–they don’t talk to us and few make eye-contact (and IRL I am not even that scary). I have no idea who I would call.

Silus–we’ve all been that H/V Teacher, I think. But sometimes it helps to look at it from the other side.

anon–I do not believe you to be queuno’s husband, but I hear ya. I have DEFINITELY been that wife. I also have a phone disorder. Still, I think it is important for people to at least know the name and phone number of their “people.” And to demonstrate that not everyone would be a huge drain on you or your service.

Sorry about the hometeachers. We often make excuses to ours to keep them from coming – I kind of like being off the radar right now, but some other time, I am sure we could use them.

We haven’t had home teachers in years. Literally years. The HP group leader just didn’t care. So nobody did it. Which, geez, are we sheep or what?

Amira–you guys just must be much more spiritual than the Bishop and SP. I have no doubt.

I’m going on four years with no HT visit but I do know who they are–one is the EQ president. We talk regularly at church though and I do have his phone number, so I guess I’m alright with the status quo.

What Hometeacher?–you are breaking my heart. Would you accept a Visiting Teacher? (love the story about 100%)

jks–you guys sound really cool. I SHOULD find out who my guys are and make friends with their wives–that would make it so much easier.

Peter LLC–being talked to at Church counts just fine for me.

I am a pretty new bishop and read all your posts with interest. I wish I had time to say something sage or wise or even witty but I am too busy helping the members of my ward who call me instead of their home teachers. Yesterday I got a call from a ward member who had a pipe break and their bedrooms were flooded and they needed urgent help to remove furniture and pull up carpets. The night before a call came at 10:30 pm (just as I was getting into bed) from a member was having health problems and needed a blessing. In both cases I made some phone calls and our ward members responded admirably. The sister with the wet floors called back to say thanks for “Sending over the Morman Battalion”, in follow up call to the member she expressed her thanks for the PH who came over in the dead of night to assist her husband to give a blessing.

Our ward members are responsive and want to be of service but they are like firemen who rise to the call when the siren sounds but don’t want to do the dull job of visiting monthly and in the process hurt peoples feelings by not meeting their expectations.

Home and visiting teaching is the most basic application of the gospel: learning to love and care for my neighbor without thought of reward, praise or self benefit. It is a meager sacrifice that our Savior expects of us (2 to 3 hours per month) but it provides a true measure of our commitment to the gospel.

If you don’t have home teachers or know who they are, talk to the HP group leader or the EQ president first. If after one month this is not resolved then please let the Bishop konw. (By the way letting the RS president know also works quite well!)

I’m in a ward where we probably have home teaching in the mid to high teens. It is sad but not totally unexpected as some brother have five or more families assigned. I’ve seen some with as many as eight families spread out over a huge geographical area. How do you motivate a home teacher when he knows he will have to spend three evenings that month or two sunday afternoons trying to visit everyone, every month. And even if he does, how close can they really be to those families that they have? 2-3 families would be ideal. Then there are the poor home teachers who have gone through multiple companions in less than a year. I think I had about four. The running joke with the families was how I had chased off the others. Well I didn’t chase them off but someone in their infinite wisdom kept changing things around. Makes it hard to build a relationship with the companion or the families. Throw in no PPIs with the home teachers at all and in my case only one phone call in over six months to get my home teaching numbers and you can see why things are so dismal.

It is so bad that when two of my less active families moved just outside the ward boundaries I didn’t tell the clerk they had moved. I just kept visiting them because I figured they would never see another ward member again if I didn’t. Last month I only got four out of five families. I’m feel badly about the one I missed. I was gone part of the month and my companion didn’t return any of my phone messages trying to get him to go so I did my best. Usually it is a struggle but I get all five every month. I do it because I know how important it is.

You see I grew up in a part member family. My mom joined the church when I was little. My dad is still not a member. We were fortunate that we had faithful home teachers for many years. When we got sick, we had a relationship with our home teacher and were able to have the priesthood in our home. When it came time for my siblings and I to be baptized, the home teacher stepped in and took over that role. When it was time to recieve the priesthood my home teacher was there. When I was a teacher, my home teaching companion told me he thought home teaching was fake and that I shouldn’t expect to ever go. Fortunately, my own home teacher took me to visit his other families so I could do my priesthood duty. When it came time to recieve the Melchizedek priesthood, I recieved it under the hands of my home teacher. When I was endowed and sealed in the temple, my home teacher was there. That is why I think it is so important. I don’t know what kind of man I would have become had someone not been faithful to their calling as a home teacher.

You can have my Home Teacher, I’d rather have the slacker that will just pop by for five minutes, give us cookies and ask whether there is anything they can do for us.

I hope none of you mind if I use some of your sincere posts to present to my ward as part of a lesson on home teaching. I appreciate the open and frank comments on home teaching. To me being a good home teacher is to provide the home teaching experience that your family desires plus just a bit more. If they desire a 3 minute doorstep visit each month then a good home teacher should provide that. If they desire a 45 minute lesson twice a month then a good home teacher should provide that. Better communication of the families expectation for the home teacher will help make it a more meaningful experience for all involved. The purpose is to bless the lives of the families we home teach by meeting their needs, not by harrasing them or ignoring them. Sometimes a home teacher may be inspired to provide a little bit more than is expected. In the scriptures we are taught to be a warning voice, which today might mean to encourage them in a positive manner to hold family prayer more often or work on family history work or to keep the sabbath day holy. Those extra bits will most often be well recieved if the home teacher is working to meet the expectations of the family. One of the problems of our society is we don’t rely on each other enough, we are so darned independent that we don’t want to receive service and we don’t want to give service. When you strip service to others away from the gospel there is not much left. Home teaching is designed to provide that service so we can all be blessed by the gospel.

Between this entry and my prior entry today I recieved a SMS from an inactive sister who called me two weeks ago to give her mother a blessing who was in the hospital. I had called her home teacher and we went and gave her mother a blessing. In today’s SMS she wrote that the day after the blessing her mother’s health started to improve and she was today released from the hospital. She stated she knew it was due to the priesthood blessing. Prior to the blessing her mothers health had been regressing daily. What a great event to be involved with! As a bishop I have these type of things happen all the time, it strengthens my testimony and it strengthened her’s. I need to pass this along to her home teacher. I know that a good home teacher with families that know and trust him will also have these type of experiences and that is what motivates him to be an even better home teacher. If you don’t enjoy your home teacher call him up and ask him for some help. Worthy priesthood holders like to fix/solve/help. If he is able to be of service to you then express your gratitude to him for his service. This will help to improve the quality of your subsequent home teaching visits more than a 100 PPI’s ever could.

Hometeaching usually ceases to be drudgery once the actual hometeaching visit occurs.

Setting up appointments isn’t much fun. It involves coordinating people who sometimes don’t cooperate all that much. But once you end up in a person’s home or a family’s home and you are talking to them – it gets really interesting.

In our current ward, we’ve been very fortunate. We have had awesome hometeachers.

danithew,
AMEN brother.
Setting appointments is the worst part. I have no problems whatsoever going in to their homes, but sometimes it’s physically painful to pick up the phone to make an appointment.

I have served as a bishop, too. In my opinion, when the bishop gets calls from members with flooded basements, etc., he should delegate that responsibility to the proper quorum leader and hometeacher. He should also ask the member to call their HT and give them their name and number. I trained my EQP and HPGL to take the load of such emergencies and other items that could distract a bishop from his core duties.

I also trained the EQP and HPGL to make HT assignments during PPI’s and to hold regular PPI’s. When I was EQP, I found that regular PPI’s dramatically increased the HT rate. I would also ask members how their HT was doing with respect to that calling. I know that many times a passing greating in the hall at church has been counted as having home taught my family.

But since I was EQP and bish, the PPI’s have stopped. When I was high councilor, I taught the EQP and HPGL how to give PPI’s. But they won’t do them. It’s too much work to see one HT before chuch and one after church. I was handed my HT assignments in passing in the hall. Seven families, including the high maintenance families. I have no companion. I no longer report my home teaching because the “brother” I report to is supposed to be my HT and was counting my call to him as his HTing.

Frankly the hometeaching hypocrisy is getting to me. I still hometeach because the families need me, but I’m really souring on the leadership and their attitudes.

I was hometeaching this one family in the ward. The husband went to the kitchen to get something. The sister whipped out the equipment for breast feeding the kid right in front of me by hiking up her skirt and whipping the full thing out. No covering, no attempt to be modest, nothing. She wasn’t even holding the kid to at least block the shot and didn’t pick him up until after it was all out in plain sight. I was in the middle of reading a scripture for the lesson I was giving and it took nearly every ounce of self control and concentration to keep reading. So if you were that sister Tanya S., I know why we didn’t come back, because I couldn’t even look you in the eye after that! I asked to have you re-assigned!

Jace–I’m guessing she figured since it was her house and her baby was hungry, it was a good time and place to feed her. She probably waited until you were reading a scripture to avoid doing it while you were looking them in the face. You just have different perspectives: you viewed her breast as a private sexual body part and she viewed it as a baby bottle.

Or she could have been communicating that you had been there too long.

@34: That pretty much sums up my mission… except for the part about never going back.