I am reminded of a National Geographic article I read 20 years ago about a remote tribe of jungle people. In this tribe, the women had all the physically demanding jobs, including carrying their stick huts on their backs as they roamed from one location to another. When questioned as to why the women did all the hard work while the men sat in leisure, the men answered, “We have to keep our hands free in case of an elephant attack.” The fact there hadn’t been an elephant found in that area for over 70 years apparently hadn’t been widely broadcast. The other reasoning for the disparity was, ” Besides, the women are stronger.”

Even in the remotest jungle on earth, untouched by modern influences, the curse of Eve lives on.

Meanwhile, I amuse myself by envisioning armies of male ushers training for the inevitable day an elephant charges into the chapel, bent on doing harm and destruction. Thanks goodness we women are blessed with such brave men, willing to give so fully of themselves.

I dislike the prominent role of putting away chairs in our church culture. The end of stake conference is the most raucous display of it: organ music accompanied by slamming metal. The minutes following a baptism service is when it feels the most intrusive. I would like a ten-minute rule that no chairs can be moved until ten minutes after the closing prayer.

I like the men to do it because it gives them something to do and you can just ignore them and do what you want.

I guess they don’t expect elephant attacks on Temple Square or in the Conference Center, since ushers there are more likely to be women than men. Just how wild is it out there in the mission field, anyway? Do you still make fire by rubbing sticks together? Have you invented the wheel yet? I ask only because it does sound like some of your leaders have some neanderthal ideas …

Why do we even have ushers at these types of meetings? Do they ever do anything but stand at the doors and look nerdy? It’s not like you can show them your tickets and ask them where your seats are. And if the guy sitting next to you gets too drunk or rowdy, do you really think that old Brother Allred is going to bounce him?

Ardis–might those ushers be Temple Square missionaries or volunteers? I think in that case you work with what you have.

Orwell–I actually have experience as a bouncer. I should put that on my Church resume.

Ziff and Orwell–Ushers actually block doors while engaged in their own conversations more often than they help. I totally see ushers being useful at Church, where visitors are likely. But the adult session of Stake Conference? I’m lucky to see my bishop there.

I’d choose taking out the garbage over ushering any day.

I have never, ever seen a female usher. When I go to stake conference and an usher points out an empty seat, I smile and sit somewhere completely different.

Ardis is smart to bring up Temple Square as an example of why we don’t have to limit ourselves to male ushers. Great point.

But this made me think of an experience where following a “pattern” from Temple Square doesn’t always produce such favorable results: Our current Bishop — a man who loves to sing in choirs — refuses to ever sing in the Ward Choir while he’s Bishop. The reason why is because, when he served in a stake presidency, a visiting AA70 told the stake presidency that they were to stop singing in the Stake Choir. Why? “Because,” he said, “you don’t see [then] President Hinckley singing in the Tabernacle Choir, do you?”

(For this music-loving Bishop, he refrains from singing in the choir as a sign of obedience. He’s a wonderful man, and I don’t mean to slight him. The whole thing makes me laugh, though.)

My bishop sings in the ward choir. Because he has the talent to do so. He also sings in a band. I applaud church leaders who support the choir with their feet.

“Because,” he said, “you don’t see [then] President Hinckley singing in the Tabernacle Choir, do you?”

That’s the dumbest thing I have ever heard. The Stake President should have responded, “Of course not, he’s tone deaf.”

Just out of curiosity, speaking of presiding authorities and singing, does anyone know if there is some kind of rule (written or otherwise) about the presiding authority remaining on the stand during choir numbers? In my experience, the space on the stand is usually limited and the bishopric or stake presidency seriously gets in the way when everyone comes up out of the congregation to sing with the choir (obviously this is all dependent on the layout and size of the chapel — sometimes there is no reason for them to move, and sometimes there’s enough space for the choir to sit on the stand throughout the meeting).

I don’t have any qualms with asking them to move for the duration of the musical number — they’ll enjoy it more if they’re not conspicuously stuck in the middle of it anyway. However, some leaders refuse to move. I always get very annoyed when they won’t when it is clear that practicality demands that they do so. My sense is that their reasoning is usually along the same lines of “You don’t see President [Whoever] leaving the stand, etc.”

I suppose there is always the danger that, without their presiding influence, the choir might sing some ancient pagan summons to demons of the underworld or something.

dblanchard–glad to have you. Although I don’t find ushers necessary, I would definitely chose that job over taking out the garbage!