I’ve been trying to turn over a new leaf—I haven’t had a Dr. Pepper in 7 days!! I’m reading the scriptures daily and forcing myself to read every word in the Ensign. I used to do all those things, but fell off the wagon a few years ago. One thing I’ve become lax about is movies. I never watched R rated movies, then I allowed myself a few and they were actually pretty good movies. So I just order (I’m the Netflix queen) whatever sounds good to me. It’s a gamble. I’ve seen people having sex right on the screen, in all kinds of positions. And this isn’t porn! It’s major movie stars just naked as jaybirds and I find it hard to believe there’s not some real sex going on with what I’ve seen, although how in the world a person could get aroused with cameras all over them and knowing perfect strangers are going to watch is beyond me. Well, and you know, people have sex at the most ridiculous times, like just before they get eaten by aliens or attacked by Nazis. I can’t imagine being on the verge of horrific death and looking at my husband and saying, “I’m so turned on right now.”

I’m like a little kid about that stuff. If people kiss on screen, I can’t watch. I make Bill fast forward any mushy stuff. But even with the glimpses I get, I’m mortifed and think “how did that add to that movie in any way?”

Hey—I’m off my own subject! (Slapping myself up the side of the head) But, lately, I’ve realized that I am taking too much bad with the good in the movies. So, I’ve been trying to go for more G rated movies. Yesterday I watched a movie called “Fireproof” with Kirk Cameron. It wasn’t too bad. Not great, either, but not too bad. It’s about how a man applies the principles in the book “The Love Dare” (I actually had bought that book!) in order to save his marriage.

Cameron is a born again Christian, totally dedicated to serving Christ in his work and his life. I respect that. People like him and Jim Caveziel, say, are rare and I honor them. I don’t think Kirk Cameron will be winning an academy award any time soon, but this movie was worth my time.

There’s a part in the movie that especially struck me. Cameron’s character is rebuffed at every turn in his efforts to live the light of Christ in his marriage. His wife isn’t having any of it and divorce is around the corner. For a few minutes, the only sound in the movie is a song about waiting on the Lord, and we see Cameron living his life, studying the Bible and praying and waiting for the Lord to change his wife’s heart.

This concept struck me deeply. There are many scriptures about waiting on the Lord, but I’ve never contemplated them much. I don’t want to wait on the Lord. He’s God, He can do anything He wants, as quickly as He wants to do it. Why on earth does He take so long, most of the time?

I thought about that for awhile after the movie was over. Mormons are doers, we are not waiters. We mostly think we can solve our problems ourselves and we busy ourselves in our codependency trying to solve the problems of others and forget the Lord (I don’t care what you try to tell me, I see this attitude every single darn day here in southern Utah). The attitude “God willing” or turning it over to God doesn’t translate well into Mormonism. It does seem a bit lazy.

But—I think we could use a bit of that evangelical mind-set. In AA we have a couple of sayings “Do the next right thing” and “Do what’s in front of you.” I have found these to be very helpful when I’m flailing about yelling at the Lord to do something about my problems. I do the dishes. I make the bed. I honor my commitments for the day. And I wait upon the Lord.

I know, I’m a broken record about our need to move toward the born again experience. I’m not going to apologize for it. We need to be saved. Saved from our task oriented way of thinking and our refusal to refrain from believing we can save ourselves. We need to be saved from excessive goal setting and the burden of our inability to do it all that gives Mormons ulcers and migraines. We need to wait upon the Lord.