Mormon Mentality - Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People » from bbell: Catering to the One and the Joys of Having a Small Portion of the Vineyard

By ESO

Oct. 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 am

Mormon Mentality is pleased to present a Guest Post by bbell. He introduces himself as:

I am the father of 5 boys under 9 and am a small business man. I have been active in the bloggernaccle since 2004.

Please welcome him and enjoy his post!

For many years I have been involved in the YM’s program both at the stake and ward level. The biggest lesson I have learned is that each individual YM is unique and the needs of each YM must be considered in running YM’s programs. For 2 years I was in the stake YM’s program. Often I was the lone voice of dissent as stake leaders attempted to roll out new ideas and programs. Often based on my extensive experience I felt that the programs and policies being rolled out would serve as a stumbling block to the retention of many YM.

Finally I was released after my bishop asked the SP for my assistance in sorting out an unruly teachers quorum. I entered the teachers quorum with an idea after being prompted by the spirit that I have used in the past. I would cater the program to the individual YM and not try and fit the YM into the program.

I feel its been a success. The parents are thrilled and the boys are all still active. Ward leadership is very supportive.

One of the great strengths in my view of the lay leadership in the LDS church is that all of us get a small portion of the vineyard to work. In this each member that accepts a calling gets invested in the vineyard and takes a measure of responsibility for its growth.

1. John Mansfield

Thu, Oct 22, 2009 @ 4:34pm

The principle seems sound, but I’m not familiar with the particular ways our programs can get in the way of serving people. An example or two would help me, particularly coming from bbell, as he doesn’t have a reflexive habit of complaining about whatever the church is doing.

2. Tagore

Thu, Oct 22, 2009 @ 4:56pm

Thanks for the post, bbell. I work with the YM in my ward, and I’ve had concerns about how to make Scouting and/or Duty to God relevant for some of the YM I work with. I echo John’s request: some examples would be really helpful.

3. bbell

Thu, Oct 22, 2009 @ 6:01pm

Essentially I believe that for some boys scouting and DTG does not work very well. They are often not scouters and need other reasons to attend on wed night and attend activities. Also many of them are very shy around girls and are uncomfortable with dances. I myself am OK with the YM’s programs in theory. I feel that the programs themselves are inspired but the individual personalities of the boys ofen do not work well inside the programs. Its in the implementation where issues occur.

For example: Scout Campouts. Teachers do not want to put on uniforms and go camping unless its high adventure. So I sold the boys on a “no agenda” campout. In other words we are going to go camping and just chill. We showed up, ate, dug foxholes to sleep in on the beach, fished thru the night, and then brought the guns out for target practice. No agenda/no pressure

Dances: To entice the boys to go to the dances I throw xbox parties with grilled meats before the dance and then load them in my vehicles and drive them down. The xbox brings the shyer boys.

My view is that you are looking to keep the boys engaged in the church until they have an Aha moment where they start to gain a testimony.

4. ESO

Thu, Oct 22, 2009 @ 8:57pm

Very interesting. I have this weird (to me) aspect of my personality: I am by the books. I like stuff to run the way it is supposed to run. So I can’t just let Personal Progress fall by the wayside (even though I HATED it as a YW myself), but I can de-emphasize it and kind of trick kid into doing the stuff I feel we have to do.

I am not proud of this. I think it would be much better to rely on personal revelation and structure a program for the specific girls with whom I work.

That said, I am no fan of scouts and while it is too early to know if my sons may be interested, I suspect I may steer them toward non-LDS troops because I like stuff to be done, you know, by the books, and it seems that LDS troops often don’t operate that way.

In our stake (I am currently in the stake YW presidency), we have had significant success in luring kids to dances by having a game room. We have board games and Guitar Hero and stuff. Most kids spend time in both the dance and the game rooms, and we are happy to provide an opportunity for more kids to participate.

bbell–the YM in my parent’s ward had a regular activity they called “Meat Night” wherein everyone brought meat of their choice to grill and eat. One of the YM was the son of the Stake President (a vegetarian) who put a stop to such activities–he claimed it had no Gospel purpose. Some people!

5. mmiles

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 1:02am

BBell-
I wish everyone in YM had your view. Scouting is for fun. If it’s not fun, it’s not working. I think we have this idea that the scouting program is going to create some spiritual epiphany in boys. It can create a sense of friendship, brotherhood and camaraderie amongst the boys that will hopefully connect them as they grow into adults. Hopefully they will gain a testimony as they grow, but earning badges is in no way a spiritual experience in of itself (at least not for most). I’m so glad there are leaders who understand that.

6. Megan

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 4:47am

Brother Bell, I’m so glad that the youth in our church have leaders like you who demonstrate through action how much they care.

This is especially true given that you have been a youth leader in my own ward and certainly had an influence of the experience of both of my brothers. There has never been a doubt in my mind that you care about every young man you’ve served. Leaders like you – who strive to understand and befriend the youth – are the ones who make the most difference.

The most amazing church service comes from those who look above and beyond lessons and programs and into the hearts of souls of the people they serve. Lessons and programs are good and important and necessary, but they are only a foundation for how we shape our callings and service to help build the kingdom of God.

7. John Mansfield

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 8:24am

I’m wondering a bit how to keep what may appear to be a focus on individuals from devolving into lowest common denominator activities that the fewest will bellyache about. It’s easy to imagine a boy who is put off by seemingly aimless rounds of just hanging out and shooting baskets. That kid will find church activity a big nothing compared with other things he could spend his time on, maybe sports or a community service club. Close to home, my two deacons came home last night frustrated and grumbling about the pointless waste the YM/YW night had been for them.

A key, I think, is allowing the quorum leaders to lead. The three members of the presidency are a large fraction of a quorum’s active membership, in many cases a majority. If they are leading, then the activities will fairly naturally address their interests and needs.

8. ESO

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 9:01am

John Mansfield–that is an interesting point. From the outside, my observation has been that some YM programs (a minority, I think) skew Scouts heavy, alienating those who don’t like the program. Some (the majority I have witnessed) skew hanging out/basketball, alienating those who prefer more focus and structure in their activities (were I a YM, I would be one of those, but not wanting the structure of Scouts). I think what bbell is talking about is a program that does neither. Note, he gets his YM to the structured activity by offering an optional hang-out before hand; those who felt x-box or eating as a waste of time could simply have gone straight to the dance. I think it takes a little planning, and you are right that that ought to be done by the quorum members (unless they only want to do scouts or basketball).

9. John Mansfield

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:00am

ESO, sometimes I’m a little mystified by the notion many have that scouts is a rigid program. A troop can make its activities as broad or as focused as it wants, spending time on any interesting or worthwhile thing it wants to.

10. bbell

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:13am

John M,

I totally hear you. The worst thing a YM’s leader can do is simply show up and shoot baskets. When this starts to happen in my ward I tend to use my political influence to get the YM’s leaders released.

Your point about having the boys plan activities is very sound. Here are some of our activities for the next 6 weeks.

Bowling
Eagle project
Campout
Rifle range
Xbox dance party
E. dinner taught by the boys moms. This is a result of some bad behavior at a dance that we are trying to stamp out. Some of my boys were turning girls down who asked them to dance. A huge NO NO

Thaks Megan for the kind words. Come home to Texas soon

11. bbell

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:16am

John,

You will notice that 4 of the activites above are listed in the Venture varsity activites guide. No accident. Venture and varsity is totally flexible as you mention.

12. ESO

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:32am

John–correct–I am sure that troops (like quorums) can be as rigid or fluid as they want to be, ranging from just doing things that are vaguely scout like and largely ignoring badges and advances, to sticking to the traditional program of camping, carving, and shooting. From my (very) outside observation, it seems that most LDS troops I have seen are a hybrid of non-emphasis on badges but largely traditional camping skills. So kids may camp and camp and camp for years without ever completing the program and if they don’t happen to like camping/outdoorsy stuff or if they actually want to be a serious scout they may be very frustrated.

Again, I have a very periphery knowledge of scouts and YM. It just seems that if you were a kid who likes structure or who doesn’t care for hiking, you may have ample opportunity to get disenchanted.

If we were endorsing programs, I suspect the Duty to God program would be able to cater better to boys’ needs. Personally, I would like any program run to be run well. I like structure. I am not, however, a YM.

And I am sure serious scout troops can run a substantial and fulfilling program without focusing on camping stuff. Like basketball for YM, I think camping is an easy out for leaders who have full-time jobs, families, church meetings, etc etc.

13. Peter LLC

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 10:46am

Like basketball for YM, I think camping is an easy out for leaders who have full-time jobs, families, church meetings, etc etc.

So this scout leader with a full-time job, family, church meetings, etc, etc spends a big chunk of his discretionary free time for the week herding scouts on a campout and that’s an easy out? That sounds like the very definition of sacrifice to me.

14. ESO

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:00am

Time commitment, yes; creativity, investment of thought, seeking personal revelation, not necessarily.

15. virus

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 11:02am

Seems very Stunning!
Iâ€™m a little mystified by the notion many have that scouts is a rigid program. A troop can make its activities as broad or as focused as it wants, spending time on any interesting or worthwhile thing it wants to.

16. annegb

Fri, Oct 23, 2009 @ 3:27pm

These comments mostly illustrate my contention that we are a task oriented rule following people. To a fault. What’s the goal of the church? To bring souls to Christ. Some committee sits down, makes a bunch of rules and you’d think the Angel Moroni gave them the new golden Plates. There’s a difference between a commandment and a rule, a guideline, a handbook (I try never to say the “H” word) between the gospel and the scouting program. Hello, people. We worship Christ.

Bbell, I would have you take my kids scouting any day.

I say again. Arthur Bishop was an Eagle Scout. Many good men in the church never got onto scouting.

17. queuno

Mon, Oct 26, 2009 @ 2:29am

I like bbell’s approach. You really have to orient it to the kids.

I’m a fan of scouting, to a limited point. My approach with my sons will be to work on the Eagle and DTG — but we’re taking an approach of “finish the darn Eagle Scout as soon as we can”. Beyond that, if the Wednesday night activities aren’t suited for them, they don’t have to go. I don’t expect them to participate in anything scouting stuff if they don’t want to once they’ve received their Eagle. My mom and dad are both Silver Beaver recipients, and my dad’s words still ring true: “Once you get your Eagle you can quit scouting.” Of course, now we have the DTG for the boys to work on. I think it’s valuable training for my sons to engage in, but I would hope their leaders will take an individualized approach to how we pursue it.

(My daughter and I have been discussing a lot at length my idea that she doesn’t have to go to YW if they aren’t doing anything constructive or service-oriented. And if she’s behind on homework, no YW period that week.)

And to annegb’s point — we are a task-oriented people, but I don’t think it’s to a fault. Our task-orientedness keeps us from being slothful. Yes, we have leaders who misinterpret what it is they are doing, but that’s neither an indictment of the program or the task-orientedness that our leaders should be pursuing. Sometimes we just need to reorient the tasks.

18. lancaster lodging

Mon, Nov 16, 2009 @ 7:58am

Yes, that is really true.. You should make sure that the kids should understand.
It should be balance.

19. Nasamomdele

Wed, Nov 18, 2009 @ 8:25pm

One of the greatest sadnesses in my opinion is the fact that activities like Scouting are often no longer considered ‘cool’ by the peers of young people who might otherwise be interested in Scouting and other clubs like that.

So in effect it means that it’s no longer ‘cool’ to pursue interests that will help prepare you for life.

I have come across outright derision in young people are approached on the subject, wiith comments like “That’s only for losers” and “Only nerds and geeks join the Scouts.”

Very sad indeed.