Comments on: The Big Move Part 3 – My Loneliest Day At Church http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People Fri, 30 Jul 2010 07:54:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: queuno http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114397 queuno Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:25:50 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114397 I think I prefer a ward that "changes" in personality every year or so (not necessarily the people leaving, but new leadership, new blood, etc.). The point of our lives is change, to become more like the savior. As we do that, and our roles necessarily change, the ward changes. Sometimes it's not as good, sometimes it's better, but it's necessary. Consider that both your old ward and your new ward will change with your move, and in both cases, for the better. I think I prefer a ward that “changes” in personality every year or so (not necessarily the people leaving, but new leadership, new blood, etc.). The point of our lives is change, to become more like the savior. As we do that, and our roles necessarily change, the ward changes. Sometimes it’s not as good, sometimes it’s better, but it’s necessary.

Consider that both your old ward and your new ward will change with your move, and in both cases, for the better.

]]> By: Katie P. http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114395 Katie P. Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:06:40 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114395 I think it is because there isn't any such thing as a ward entity that exists for longer than a moment in time. Everything changes, so to have the same relationship and position within a community as you did before, you have to rebuild it over and over again. In practical terms, it seems like about every six months or so things shift, and it may be faster during certain times of the year. That's why being in the ward for a long time doesn't mean much in transitory wards - because you haven't. It isn't the ward you were in for a long time. That particular social group has only existed for the last six months or so. It's kind of a bummer that communities in general are not permanent things, but it isn't a reflection on any one person. There is nothing you can do to keep a transitory ward from becoming an entirely new entity more than once a year, a new creature with a familiar name. There are no communities - only a dozens and hundreds and thousands and millions of connections from one individual to another. I think it is because there isn’t any such thing as a ward entity that exists for longer than a moment in time. Everything changes, so to have the same relationship and position within a community as you did before, you have to rebuild it over and over again. In practical terms, it seems like about every six months or so things shift, and it may be faster during certain times of the year. That’s why being in the ward for a long time doesn’t mean much in transitory wards – because you haven’t. It isn’t the ward you were in for a long time. That particular social group has only existed for the last six months or so.

It’s kind of a bummer that communities in general are not permanent things, but it isn’t a reflection on any one person. There is nothing you can do to keep a transitory ward from becoming an entirely new entity more than once a year, a new creature with a familiar name. There are no communities – only a dozens and hundreds and thousands and millions of connections from one individual to another.

]]> By: Devyn S. http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114322 Devyn S. Fri, 30 Oct 2009 02:05:54 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114322 Thanks Anne = always good to learn from ours and others experiences. Queuno - yep that is a good learning for me too! Thanks Anne = always good to learn from ours and others experiences.

Queuno – yep that is a good learning for me too!

]]> By: queuno http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114314 queuno Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:25:51 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114314 I think the other key to learn from this is that the most active/connected/visible people in a ward really need fellowship, too... I think the other key to learn from this is that the most active/connected/visible people in a ward really need fellowship, too…

]]> By: annegb http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114272 annegb Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:29:25 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114272 What this has done for me is to make me more determined to reach out every chance I get, even if there are people who reject me or think I'm weird. What this has done for me is to make me more determined to reach out every chance I get, even if there are people who reject me or think I’m weird.

]]> By: Devyn S. http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114261 Devyn S. Wed, 28 Oct 2009 01:17:04 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114261 7. E - thanks for the note. It does make me wonder how often have I let people leave without expressing appropriate appreciation 8. fdsa - Sorry that happened to you. Again it makes me wonder how often I have done that as well. I hope I have not been that way too often. 9. MCQ - thanks I appreciate the sentiment 10. namakemono - Sorry that happened to you. 11. queuno - true except the Bishopric we had known for years and let them borrow our vacation house for free several times... 12. ESO - thanks ESO 13. jks that was beautiful - you must be a writer! 7. E – thanks for the note. It does make me wonder how often have I let people leave without expressing appropriate appreciation

8. fdsa – Sorry that happened to you. Again it makes me wonder how often I have done that as well. I hope I have not been that way too often.

9. MCQ – thanks I appreciate the sentiment

10. namakemono – Sorry that happened to you.

11. queuno – true except the Bishopric we had known for years and let them borrow our vacation house for free several times…

12. ESO – thanks ESO

13. jks that was beautiful – you must be a writer!

]]> By: jks http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114259 jks Tue, 27 Oct 2009 16:43:18 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114259 I think you've done a good job identifying so many factors that contributed to the poor goodbye. I can identify with staying in one place but having it change a lot over the years (I've also moved a lot previously so I can identify with that too.....occasionally with poor goodbyes). I've lived here 11 years and had one ward boundary change. What is difficult sometimes is having no one know my history. To me it is such a part of me and it all happened right here, but friends have moved and it seems to become more difficult to make new friends as my family grows and I am busy. I've got my husband and he knows my history. My best friend is a phone call away and she knows my history. This has actually been on my mind lately as I put my toddler in speech therapy and get funny looks. This is my second time around with a late talking child so I know what I am doing, but no one was around 8 years ago to see what we went through. So really if I ever move away, I have to see part of my goodbye was in saying goodbye to the many people who left in previous times. When I said goodbye to the friends who brought us meals during cancer. When my playgroup organizing friend moved away and ended that era. When those who cried with me over my son moved away. When my post-partum depression support friend doesn't really contact me anymore except for free babysitting and I accepted that I don't really need her now but I remember the past and that is enough. So when those super-charismatic families move away and everyone is dramatic about it, I really am a part of that goodbye because I am a part of what they are leaving behind.....what we are all leaving behind each day as our world or ward irrevocably changes from what it once was taking my history too. I think you’ve done a good job identifying so many factors that contributed to the poor goodbye.
I can identify with staying in one place but having it change a lot over the years (I’ve also moved a lot previously so I can identify with that too…..occasionally with poor goodbyes). I’ve lived here 11 years and had one ward boundary change. What is difficult sometimes is having no one know my history. To me it is such a part of me and it all happened right here, but friends have moved and it seems to become more difficult to make new friends as my family grows and I am busy. I’ve got my husband and he knows my history. My best friend is a phone call away and she knows my history.
This has actually been on my mind lately as I put my toddler in speech therapy and get funny looks. This is my second time around with a late talking child so I know what I am doing, but no one was around 8 years ago to see what we went through.
So really if I ever move away, I have to see part of my goodbye was in saying goodbye to the many people who left in previous times. When I said goodbye to the friends who brought us meals during cancer. When my playgroup organizing friend moved away and ended that era. When those who cried with me over my son moved away. When my post-partum depression support friend doesn’t really contact me anymore except for free babysitting and I accepted that I don’t really need her now but I remember the past and that is enough. So when those super-charismatic families move away and everyone is dramatic about it, I really am a part of that goodbye because I am a part of what they are leaving behind…..what we are all leaving behind each day as our world or ward irrevocably changes from what it once was taking my history too.

]]> By: ESO http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114197 ESO Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:39:45 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114197 queuno--great plan! Devyn--I bet you and your wife have become one of those families wards talk about for years after they moved. Too bad they couldn't thank you in person. I hope the new ward works for you guys. queuno–great plan!

Devyn–I bet you and your wife have become one of those families wards talk about for years after they moved. Too bad they couldn’t thank you in person. I hope the new ward works for you guys.

]]> By: queuno http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114192 queuno Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:38:32 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114192 I do there may be something to the idea that (a) they had heard you wanted to move for so long that you may not have cared to make a final goodbye, plus (b) you really didn't know anyone in the ward, resulting in no real goodbye from the ward, because they didn't think it mattered. Dunno. I harbor dreams of (if I'm in a clerk role) sending my family's records to the new ward and letting the leadership figure it out from the transaction report from SLC. If they even notice it. I do there may be something to the idea that (a) they had heard you wanted to move for so long that you may not have cared to make a final goodbye, plus (b) you really didn’t know anyone in the ward, resulting in no real goodbye from the ward, because they didn’t think it mattered.

Dunno. I harbor dreams of (if I’m in a clerk role) sending my family’s records to the new ward and letting the leadership figure it out from the transaction report from SLC. If they even notice it.

]]> By: namakemono http://www.mormonmentality.org/2009/10/23/the-big-move-part-3-my-loneliest-day-at-church.htm/comment-page-1#comment-114190 namakemono Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:53:23 +0000 http://www.mormonmentality.org/?p=2524#comment-114190 re #8 - similar thing happened to me. After a particularly traumatic first temple experience, I went inactive for about 6 months - and no contact whatsoever from anyone in the ward. It was a friend visiting from out of town who got me to go back, and even then no one said anything... re #8 – similar thing happened to me. After a particularly traumatic first temple experience, I went inactive for about 6 months – and no contact whatsoever from anyone in the ward. It was a friend visiting from out of town who got me to go back, and even then no one said anything…

]]>