I think nearly any 2 people can have a long and happy marriage.
Too many people out there believe in Saturday’s Warrior. “We promised each-other in the pre-existence that we would find each other.” What a load of tripe.

I believe that for anybody on this earth there are several people that the were meant NOT to be with and that’s why we seek spiritual confirmation, to make sure we haven’t picked one of those.

Leaving room for the exception of some colossally bad choices by the other party, I believe that there are two rules for a happy marriage.
1.) Choose to be happy.
2.) When in doubt, see rule 1.

I kind of like the idea of finding out who in the Bloggernacle has the ultimate spouse trump card in this hierarchy.

Tagore, I’m glad you recognize how this makes me superior to you. I’ll make sure and bring it up more often in the future.

I was always amazed at some of the dating behaviors people I knew at BYU. Some wanted to be handed a mate on a platter stamped “approved by God”, but didn’t date wisely. Some married people who obviously joined the church just to get the final “okay” on marriage. Others refused to date outside the RM pool, regardless of common interests. Some insisted on not kissing at all in addition to the law of chastity. Some completely ignored the practicalities of blending two lives and the future support mechanisms of the family (ie. no way to support themselves or each other or children.) Some became engaged after a few weeks without getting to know their potential spouse, and were married within three to six months of meeting. Quite a few of the resulting marriages did not survive, and some have survived but just that.

I received plenty of raised eyebrows when I became engaged to a man back home (over 3000 miles away). Of concern to others were the large age difference; my intended’s “previously married” status and teenage child; his recent conversion; that I was waiting 18 months to finish school before marrying; and, oddly enough, I had considered his work ethic, employment and debt status as factors in my choice. At the end of the eighteen months engagement and 2+ years knowing him, my now DH had proven himself faithful in regularly attending church while I was at school, maintained his household, and had to the best of my knowledge, remained faithful to me.

Before our marriage I did seek and receive confirmation of my choice. I was well aware of the potential obstacles and as prepared for them as possible. Some things you can’t prepare for- especially others exercising their agency to the detriment of others. My parent’s always taught that marriage is one of the most important choices and the one that affects not only you, but all your children.

It was so clear, that warning. But I was desperately lonely and wilful.

When I married Bill, I didn’t have that feeling. I never asked because I didn’t feel that warning at all and I figured it was from God. Even now, when I hate his guts and feel completely miserable, I’m pretty sure God wanted me to marry him. For the life of me sometimes, I don’t know why. But still.

I think marriage is an important enough decision to involve the Lord. The Lord, not the church. What you’re going to have for dinner, not so much.

Clearly you made the decision you sincerely thought was right at the time. But when you mentioned that you had “huge reservations” about the man you married, it brought to mind an experience that a close friend of mine had some years ago. She became engaged after receiving a spiritual confirmation–and then she proceeded to overlook all the gigantic waving red flags signalling to her that she should not, in fact, marry the guy. Fortunately, her fiance called off the wedding the night before it was to have taken place. If they had gone through with the marriage, it would have been a disaster.

Looking back now, she realizes that the Lord doesn’t expect us to make decisions based solely on a one-time spiritual event. As Sam said, he expects us to engage our brains in addition to seeking spiritual confirmation when making important decisions.

That said, anony, there are no easy answers for a situation like yours, so I hope I don’t sound critical. I’ve also been misled by what I thought were spiritual promptings. Discerning revelation is difficult and so confusing at times. I’m so sorry for the pain and grief you have experienced.

The situation you were forced to go through because of an evil man is extremely heart wrenching. I really do feel a deep sense of sadness for you and your daughter.

With that in mind I don’t want to seem like I am debating you, but I do just want to offer one remark and I hope I can say it properly across the net without being too obtuse.

Your comment displays a lot of negativity and perhaps a little bit of blame toward others and perhaps God, and especially yourself. A big point in my previous post, is there are often times when we have no idea who or what a person may turn out to be, and the spirit will usually not tell us “this person may turn out to be very very bad”, I think that is especially true because most(all?) of us can turn out to be very very bad if we let ourselves be drawn down a certain path.

So please don’t blame yourself, God, or counselors, etc. who only had the best in mind in telling you to prayerfully consider a spouse. Clearly you should also use your brain. If the person you want to marry is has shown certain traits that are highly questionable at best you should do your best to question them from as many angles as possible.

In short, I don’t think anyone is suggesting you NOT use your brain, and I have not seen evidence from what you said that you did not use your brain in your case either. Using your brain and asking for (and accepting) guidance from the spirit does not mean our future will be rosy.

I’d love to be sitting in that meeting, just not right in front of you.