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I have a propensity to choke up and even tear up relatively easily, often over matters that really don’t rise to that level. It’s not because of greater spirituality, and it’s not (as far as I know) due to estrogen supplements or other chemical intakes. It dates back to my divorce, some 24 years ago, which broke my heart in a way I did not think possible. Even though I have been joyfully and contentedly remarried for 23 years now, the emotional tenderness is still there. Frankly, it bugs the crap out of me, especially when I’m giving a talk or a lesson (or even just making a comment) in church. Not because I think it’s somehow unmanly per se — I don’t — but because it makes what I’m trying to say about me rather than the subject at hand, and because — as per the original post above — others may interpret it as some profound spirituality when it’s really (as far as I can tell) just a never-fully-healed broken heart. I have a small set of mental techniques I use to help defuse and disperse the emotion, the most effective of which is to picture computer game characters (e.g., mutants from Fallout 3) speaking the words I’m trying to say. That provides both a sense of detachment and a bit of incongruous humor, which together head off the emotional upwelling and let me say what it is I want to say. ..bruce.. |
Bruce, I’m on the emotional side as well- when I was single, I stopped dating a girl because she was less emotional than I and that weirded me out. |
Did you say “decrease in testosterone that accompanies marriage???” Dude, I’m getting married Saturday. Not cool. |
For me the minute someone goes all weepy– male or female– that person has lost all credibility with me in spiritual matters. Emotional responses are just too easy to elicit to trust as genuine spiritual manifestations. Yes that means that a good number of GAs have lost my trust (not that they care). |
Wow, PaulM, find a better reason to dismiss someone as beyond credibility. Like if they decapitate frogs. That’s worthy of suspicion. |
For me the weeping starts because the adrenaline that has been pumping through my body all through the sacrament releases as I get up to start talking. Total fight or flight response. It is annoying, but I figure it is more socially acceptable to be teary than to swear like a trucker(my Monday-Saturday option). |
Margaret: I’m willing to give Christ a pass on the references given the contexts in which those references occurred and given that he was/is both human and divine. Emotions, especially those strong enough to cause one to weep, can cause radically irrational behavior. Strong emotional responses can be elicited (counterfeited, to use a Mormon term) via any number of external or internal stimuli unrelated to spiritual interaction. If an individual is encountering an emotional event strong enough to cause him to weep then how can that individual maintain enough control of his other faculties to remain certain that what is being experienced is spiritual and not other? Frankly, I think it takes extreme arrogance to affirm the ability to always (or even most always) distinguish the spiritual from the other under those circumstances. |
Feeling or demonstrating emotion doesn’t mean that mental capacity has been short circuited. A person can feel emotional and recognize that that is his state. A few of the comments above give examples of this. |
Burgess (3), Congratulations, and yes, your testosterone will decrease after marriage. Single guys always complain about how their married friends are “no fun any more” and such, but there is a definite chemical basis for the change. If you’re not a crier right now, there is a good possibility that you are about to become one. Margaret (5), I would be interested to know if anti-depressants affect your ability to receive spiritual feelings and promptings. |
News to me. I have suffered from a mild form of narcolepsy since my teenage years (I used to fall asleep in our pre-game prep meetings on Friday afternoons during football season; didn’t endear me much to Coach Roberts), and both times I have served in the bishopric, I was well known for falling asleep up on the stand during Sacrament meeting. I’ve graduated from diet Coke (or, more likely these days, diet cherry Dr. Pepper) to 5-Hour Energy, both pre-church and pre-temple session. I haven’t noticed any impediment to the Spirit — at least not as great as falling asleep creates. ..bruce.. |
Dan–depression affects one’s ability to feel many things, including spiritual things. For me, anti-depressants were a disaster, and made me feel the way people suffering from depression feel. Stimulants often have the effect of revving up emotions. A side effect of ADHD drugs is frequently a tendency to cry. I find tiredness makes me more prone to cry. I find that spiritual realities, when they touch me, do affect my tears, but that my reaction is heightened if my hormones are whacked up. Hormone-based tears tend to feel druggy to me, whereas tears born of a spiritual realization come with a lively and energizing sense of truth. |
I don’t cry very often – but on the rare occasions that I feel teary, the feelings can come on very suddenly and sometimes catch me by surprise. I also wonder if seeing others cry can be a trigger – and I wonder if that can have an effect on people in a testimony meeting. Maybe seeing one person tear up makes others want to tear up as well. It also should be kept in mind that while chemicals and hormones and such can deeply effect us in ways that are beyond our control, sometimes there are also just good reasons to cry or to be emotional. Some people cry a lot in movies. I don’t. But there’s a scene in the movie “Not One Less” that really got to me (and still kind of does) … it’s part of the following clip (warning, some hard to read sub-titles as this is a Chinese-language film): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VBA8FwpsNw&feature=related Again, it makes me wonder how much seeing someone else cry can be a trigger. But the story told in this movie is pretty dramatic. At least in my book. |
Danithew, I watched the movie clip. I have to watch the whole movie now because that scene ripped me up. I sure hope there is a happy ending. I am probably A. Hormonal B. Sleep deprived C. Still able to feel compassion for others pain. May we all remember to not judge each other by the superficial. |
I use 200mg caffeine tablets, cut up into quaters. 1/4 tablet per hour keeps me awake through sunday meetings. Same amount of caffeine as a can of cola. |
Since my daughter was born I find that I get all choked up when I see kids hurt, abducted, etc., on the news or in movies. I used to be pretty indifferent (meaning that I had little spontaneous emotional response, not that I didn’t care). For example, I recently watched Gone With the Wind again with my wife. I thought that scene where Bonnie dies was one of the saddest things I had ever seen. Clearly, my spiritual stature has increased tenfold. Bookslinger, I like the way you think. Perhaps that would cure my Sunday narcolepsy. |
PaulM: “For me the minute someone goes all weepy– male or female– that person has lost all credibility with me in spiritual matters. Emotional responses are just too easy to elicit to trust as genuine spiritual manifestations. Yes that means that a good number of GAs have lost my trust (not that they care).” Even though I have tendencies in that direction, I think if you take it too far, you end up sounding like a Vulcan. |
My cousin and my uncle used to brag about their iceman tendencies (show no emotion). I thought they were boors. |
I found that once I became a father I’m so much more emotional often over smaller things than I ever was. I choke up at talent and sporting competitions when I see great achievements being made – perhaps a parental hormone kicks in? I do think that a culture exists in the church where tears are automatically associated with spirituality rather than just emotions. This leads onto a deeper trend of our emotions being the source of personal revelation. |
Hey Dan… |
OKay… PS: The Greg and Mike mentioned above are not a couple; they’re brothers… |
“PS: The Greg and Mike mentioned above are not a couple.” :) Never crossed my mind until you brought it up. Bill cries much more easily than I. It’s not because I don’t feel like it, but tears just don’t begin to communicate the sorrow I’ve felt. I clammed up when my husband died and refused to let it out. Too painful. Bill watched UP with tears in his eyes. Although, when my DHEA was low, and I was out of whack and all skeewampus and in the dark night of the soul, something would set me off and it was weird tears. I didn’t sob or anything, the tears just sort of ran out of my eyes, like a faucet I couldn’t turn off. For 24 hours! And my eyes got really sore. But thinking of the spirit, I wish people would rejoice in the gospel more. Look happy, cheerful, celebrate the good news. Because a lot of people in fast meeting seem seriously depressed and sad, like somebody died. I think our kids get the wrong message. They think if they can conjure up some tears and emotion, that’s a testimony. They need to see that having a testimony is a real natural high. |