Mormon Mentality - Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People » From bbell: Parental Pet Peeves, Birthday Party Edition

By ESO

Jan. 29th, 2010 at 9:48 am

I recently read an article about a really expensive elaborate birthday party that P Diddy held for his son.

I personally think that P Diddy is an uncouth yahoo and his kid in in process to be the same but I offer up this extreme example to illustrate the point that the birthday culture has gotten out of hand.

Many many times my kids have attended birthday parties that must have cost in excess of $500. Parties with clowns, bouncy houses, face painters etc.

You do not have to fall into the material trap of expensive parties. My oldest recently turned 10 and we had a birthday party for less then $50. We had an archery contest, played Madden 2010, had a basketball game, ate burgers, and watched a movie.

Afterwards several parents told me that their kid had reported that the party was as good as any they had been to.

What has your experience been with elaborate and over the top birthday parties?

1. Heidi

Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 12:23pm

Yeah, but ya gotta be cool to throw cheap parties that are fun. Those of us who aren’t cool and know it have to draw on a different set of resources to throw successful parties.

*Said somewhat, but only somewhat, jokingly*

2. ESO

Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 3:41pm

My daughter has only recently begun attending parties (unfortunately for her, I don’t often throw them) and I have been surprised to find how few of them are given at home.

3. Texas Divorce Online

Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 5:14pm

As much as possible I would keep the budget around a 100 when trowing a simple party and I dont invite that much guest.

4. Sam B.

Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 6:02pm

But, bbell, what’s wrong with a more-expensive birthday party (with the caveat, of course, that the parents can truly afford it)? It’s simply a matter of priorities; for us, we don’t value TV or video games (our TV is one my FIL gave us after we got married because he came to visit and was so bored that he sent us a TV so that we’d have it at our next visit, and we don’t own a video game system).

On the other hand, I value food. We probably spent at least $20 or $30 on the cheese we bought for the kids’ parents (and of course, us) at my daughter’s last birthday party. Our expenditures weren’t enormous, but the time we spent preparing for the (cooking, etc.) was. I can see people who aren’t as into that as we are deciding that the tradeoff between expense and time favors expense. I haven’t been to a birthday party that cost real money, but I don’t see any inherent problem with it, either.

5. Lon

Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 6:20pm

I do believe there is such a thing as conspicuous consumption and that such a birthday party as described in the P Diddy story fits the bill. One important distinction is the conspicuous portion of that. If you are planning a party that [ A ] fits well within the community standards _AND_ [ B ] you are not feeling pressure (internal or external) to prove you are well-off enough to have such a party, it’s my opinion you are fine. If one of the two criteria is not being met, it’s my opinion you are in danger of frivolous waste.

6. jks

Fri, Jan 29, 2010 @ 6:36pm

I’m having a birthday party at home tomorrow. The stress. That is why people do them elsewhere. With having other guests tonight and the party in the morning I am not happy.

7. Ron

Sat, Jan 30, 2010 @ 3:04pm

I am all for having parties outside the home. Last January our Mom’s hosted a small intimate family shower with 60 people at OUR house. I’m still suffering from PTSD over that one. I remember at one point retreating to my office and curling up on the floor in a fetal position and rocking back and forth hoping that when I opened my eyes all those people would be gone. I regained my composure, went up and ate something and felt slightly better. Eventually everybody left and there wasn’t even any permanent damage to my home.
So JKS, I TOTALLY understand where you’re coming from.

Then again, despite having the party outside the home, if your four year old’s birthday party starts to look like a quinceanera, then maybe you’re going too far.

8. Affiliate Millionaire

Sun, Jan 31, 2010 @ 11:04am

Like ESO, my son too has only just began going to parties and I have been surprised to find how few of them are at kids homes…

9. ESO

Sun, Jan 31, 2010 @ 7:35pm

Oh yeah–I totally get the appeal of no clean up, it is just not something I would not be willing to spend money on: the location. A park gazebo? Maybe. But someplace where they throw the party for you? The prices I have see blow my budget for all birthdays in our family for the whole year.

That said, I grew up in a large family and we rarely had “friends” parties, so maybe I am less attached to the notion than a normal person. I favor finding an experience the birthday kid will enjoy and then we invite family members to join us if they wish. We’ve done locomotive rides or a local home where they have 15+ treehouses connected by rope bridges, etc. Memorable but cheap.

10. John Hilroy

Mon, Feb 1, 2010 @ 6:25pm

There’s nothing wrong with having a small birthday party, beside young people now a days have some serious entitlement issues, they think just because they want something they should have it, or they some how deserve it. Got to nip that problem in the bud. My families tactic is to keep the birthday parties small (cake and icecream and a nice dinner) no going out or at least get delivery, work on a family project together or actually set up a special task/community service or charity for the day, have the child participe in deciding what kind of thing it’s going to be. This should be carryed out as a symbol of their coming of age prioritization skills. Our children are the future of humanity and that future isn’t going to be too harmonious or healthy if the focus of each child is on him or herself and how much fun they can have. It leaves no room for dream development-turning into reality of the world becoming a better place. A child should groomed to pave their way through life wanting to deserve the things they want as well, in that they’ll always think about what it would take inside themselve to meet the quality/worth of what they desire and make that become their character reality.

11. Johnna

Mon, Feb 1, 2010 @ 8:49pm

Your $50 birthday party sounds like fun, but you must admit that:

is not exactly a ringing endorsement.

12. TStevens

Thu, Feb 4, 2010 @ 9:24am

For my daughter we start off with a city wide parade (route is about 2 miles) with at least 2 marching bands and the old guys in the go-carts. Then we throw a barbecue for the ward, followed by a concert by the city orchestra in the park. Typically we have them finish with the 1812 oveture so we can coordinate a 30 minute fireworks display. Overall I think the cost is over $250,000 but the city subsidizes it heavily. I think last year it cost me about $100 out of pocket buying hotdogs and such. for my four boys they are lucky to get a cake, but they aren’t as cute; and really they should have planned ahead and been born on July 4th as well if they wanted more.

13. TStevens

Thu, Feb 4, 2010 @ 9:28am

For my boys we actually throw a decent party (for expense) but we just don’t do it every year. It seems to be working out to about 3 good parties before they turn 18. The other years we just make cake and invite all the extended family over – very cheap.

14. April

Thu, Feb 4, 2010 @ 2:03pm

I’ve found that a lot of people have their kids parties outside of the home to cut down on cleanup and stress… but I’ve also found that when parents are divorced a good neutral ground is the best idea. This way one parent or the other doesn’t feel like they are stepping on a step parents toes etc while in their home.