My sister, who never sends forwards, sent me this and I love it. Since MM has been basically comatose for the last little while, I figured what could it hurt if I posted two things in five minutes? These are fun.

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
And do my hair and makeup so I look gorgeous in the casket

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Basically, story of my life

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
Actually, I was a child who liked to sleep

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
Yes

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
This isn’t that hard, I do it quite well

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
um, I like cursive

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Had that same thought

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I totally agree with this

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
I can. It was 40 years ago before I got married and had kids.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.
uh-huh
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

I used to go home when that happened, now I tough it out and realize it happens to everybody.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
Or they could make something that would work for all your old stuff, too

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewellers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
Don’t let Oprah hear that.
.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
This one was my favorite.

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I loved this, too, because I realized I’m not the only one.

28. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

29. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

30. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!