Fascinating question. I’m mentally scanning all of my previous callings and at the moment, I don’t have any hills to die for, although I’m sure I’ll think of some when it relates to Sunday School and EQ teaching.

There’s a bishop in a ward near mine who will not allow Halloween activities to be announced in his ward. Word of mouth is fine, but nothing beyond that.

As a parent, I am willing to die on the opposite side of your #2 hill. Wednesday night falls behind early morning seminary and “critical” homework. No ifs, ands, or buts.

OK, my wife says I should qualify the extent I’m willing to die on bbell’s Hill #2. If there is no communication to the parents about the activity, that the kids are just supposed to show up and do whatever a little clique of leaders and class/quorum presidencies decided to do, I’m not very sympathetic to the calls of “you MUST show up”.

This is *my* family, and your organization is supposed to serve *my* children, and like it or not, my children aren’t getting into college on the strength of how well they babysit the children of other leaders or play church ball. If the activity has been planned and communicated in advance, believe me, we’ll move heaven and earth to make sure our children are there and get their homework done.

At the same time, I do expect youth leaders to understand when there are important activities like mandatory statewide testing, play practices, and the like. You can’t replace those opportunities. You need to be complementary to those activities and that means coordination with school calendars.

Law of Chastity

Love God first and love your neighbor as yourself seems like a pretty good hill to die on.

Hmmmmm…I kind of like making people uncomfortable–it’s fun. And so far hasn’t killed me.

I guess the hill I will battle for is gender-related, although I like to think of it more as reason. I think a whole lot of Church culture has built up around traditional gender roles and fake Priesthood privilege (meaning differences between programs for men and women [boys and girls] that are supposedly Priesthood-related, but in reality are just tradition).

For example, I have spoken out about:
VERY different treatment and support given boy scouts and Young Women in general, and their camp.
Equalizing treatment by NOT having men come and serve food at RS functions and reciprocating Father’s Day treatment.
Most recently I made a BIG stink about the “women’s pull” on our youth conference/pioneer trek because NO ONE could tell me what the purpose of it that did not sound totally asinine.

I lost that one.

While I, of course, have special access to decision making in my current calling, I will speak out about anything in my ward I think is sufficiently problematic. As much as possible, I talk directly to the decision-makers rather than complaining to my friends about this and that.

Most recently I made a BIG stink about the “women’s pull” on our youth conference/pioneer trek because NO ONE could tell me what the purpose of it that did not sound totally asinine.

What you didn’t like the reason they gave us “so the YW would know how important the priesthood is in their lives”?

I didn’t think I had any hills, but after reading the comments, I realize I do.

When in YM my hill was bullying. I could put up with a lot from the diverse group I taught, but I refused to give an inch when it came to making fun of one boy’s haircut, or making fun of another YM that wore a really old suit. A quick lesson on treating people with respect was more important to me than the lesson of the week about tithing, chastity or restoration of the Priesthood.

My other hill came up in the last year when my wife and I were called to teach Sunbeams. We let the parents know we would not be sitting the kids down in chairs and lecturing for 45 minutes. We’d be taking walks, coloring pictures, singing primary songs, etc. Well one parent flipped their lid when they saw us walking around the outside of the building, which I thought was the perfect complement to our discussion on how God created and gave us animals and insects. She went to the Primary presidency and she didn’t bring her kids to church as a preschool for her kids to have fun, but so they could learn what they needed to know so they could be an eternal family.

Lighten up lady.

Glad I wasn’t the only one who didn’t recognize LOC. I honestly could only think of Library of Congress, which is a great institution, but probably not thematically relevant in Young Mens.

I actually like the “hill to die on” metaphor. Obviously, the central and over-arching message is to become more like Christ, to love God and our neighbor, two which #7 alluded. But that’s the mountain. I think bbell’s right, we can take stands on a few hills along the way. Now that I think about it, preventing bullying is one of mine. And stemming from past financial clerk experiences, the careful use of church funds.

annegb–currently I serve in the stake YW presidency, so my squawking actually has some affect in units far and wide.

jjohnsen–that rationale is even worse than the ones I rejected. If anyone felt that was a good reason, they didn’t have the guts to tell me.

I must admit that sometimes I am so ready to be done with a calling, I feel ready to “commit suicide” over something just to get released. I’m almost there.

“1. Teaching the LOC and proper family formation. No matter who is in the class or what their current family situation is.

2. Attending church and YM’s activities. Pretty much no matter what. Even if your kid is failing 3 classes he is coming to activities.”

Really? I can’t imagine what you mean by this. Are you saying that you tell the kids that their families are not properly formed if they come from a divorced family or something? What does “proper” family formation have to do with young men’s please? And who put you in charge of deciding what “proper” is?

Also, if you told my kid he had to be to your lame b-ball or video game activity instead of studying for his chem or history final, I would tell him to ignore you and hope you died pleasantly on your stupid hill. Some YM leaders have no clue what they are doing when they insist that scouting or mutual activities are higher priority than school. They are not. They are activities. They have almost nothing to do with the gospel and mostly they are mere social activities at best. A well planned activity can be important, but you clearly need some perspective.

ESO, that was just my guess because it’s what the leaders told me when I went on trek as a teenager. Even then I thought it was pretty ridiculous.

17+19, I assumed bbell only meant he’d try to make kids feel bad if their parents were gay, but I suppose that guilt would extend to kids who had dead or divorced parents as well. It seems a little strange to do something you know might make the boys feel bad, especially since the manual actually says you should be understanding of the different family units they might belong to (at least it does in the primary manual).

Then again, my hills probably don’t make sense to some people.

I’m not sure that I really think there are very many – or any – hills worth dying on. I don’t really see what good making people angry or uncomfortable ever does.

Maybe I’m just wishy-washy, but I really don’t believe in extremism. I tend to think that if you get to a point where you are willing to die on a hill, you’ve lost the clarity needed to make good judgement and you’re more likely to damage the cause than anything else. All my exepreinces have shown me that being willing to “die on a hill” just means you alienate the people who need your influence the most.

If there are leaders who believe in seminary so strongly that the kid who isn’t going to attend feels he can’t still be active in the church, it’s a problem. If there are feminists who bring up gender issues constantly and alienate ward members, it’s a problem.

In my own life, the most relevant example I can think of is someone I know who became involved in a relationship with someone who a)is unstable, b)is one of the most abrasive people I’ve ever known, and c)was married (is married? not sure the divorce is final).

I was – and am – unequivocally disapproving. In retrospect, I’m not sure that I should have made my feelings quite as well known to my friend. I was close to this person, and a good influence in her life (which she needs). My feelings didn’t change her behavior, but I died on that hill and I lost my ability to influence her for good. After months of unreturned phone calls, emails, and texts, I’ve finally given up trying.

I didn’t win, I didn’t change her behavior, and in the end, everyone is worse off for it.

I don’t know if I have any hills to die but I have hills that I make other people die on. NOT KEEPING YOUR WORD! I get homicidal when somebody commits to something and then fails to follow through.

I’d have to think about this a little bit.

One thing I like, in non-emergent situations, in regards to request for help, is advance notice.

Otherwise I might say no.

In another ward, years ago, I had someone in the stake leadership call me once on the morning of a volleyball tournament – asking for our elders quorum to recruit referees for games that would take the entire morning. Our ward had not fielded a team for the tournament. I said I didn’t feel good about making those phone calls on such short notice, especially since we weren’t even playing – and stuck to that position.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but the guy on the other end of the line was very upset with me.

I once had someone tell me, “I will not waste my time on this person.” and after I related the Savior’s message loving the least of these is really showing love for the savior, after discussing the commandment in Ezekial to bring back that which was lost, after relating the parable of the 99 and 1 lost sheep, it was reiterated that, “I refuse to waste my time on that man, he’s not worth my time.” What a bummer of an attitude.

So I’m more interested in how we often pick the wrong hills to die on.

Why do some leaders have a problem with Halloween parties?

What do they object to?

My hill is bullying and/or excessive teasing. Church should be a safe place for everyone to be. It wasn’t a safe place for me, and I do everythiing in my power to make sure no kid feels the way I did. I grew up in the old days, before the time block was implemented, and even though I would walk to church for Primary or Mutual, I didn’t always actually go in the building. More often than not, I would just hang out outside the chapel until the other kids started leaving for home, and I would go home too.

I’ve wondered why my teachers and leaders never asked my parents where I was, and why I wasn’t attending.