10. The local paper does it’s once annual story abut those crazy Mormons who just KEEP ON COMING.

9. Half of your ward is AWOL, leaving near mass chaos when there is no one in nursery to drop your kids off to and you have already promised to sub in both Sunday School AND Primary.

8. The “What Mormons Don’t Tell” truck shows up, along with the megaphones and people wearing temple clothing.

7. There is more than one 15-passenger van in the church parking lot.

6. The pleading for us to PLEASE sign up for our allotment of Pageant assignments slows down to a trickle as those announcing realize that the only people left have walkers or infants and probably can’t direct traffic in the parking lots or act as bouncers at The Hill.

5. The sudden bloating of members at your Sacrament Meeting means that you don’t have anywhere to park or sit, but they also bolster your anemic congregational singing.

4. The ambient noise in the hallway is actually quieter than the dull roar of children and coughs in the Chapel.

3. ALL my local Mormon Facebook friends have invited me to Pageant and I received a special e-mail from my stake telling me how I can do the same.

2. Donny Osmond is spotted at the Chill & Grill.

1. My friendly neighborhood miniature golf course explicitely invites my ilk to play for 2 weeks of the year.
welcome lds