My name is common enough that I receive several emails a week from people intending to reach someone else with a similar name.  I make it a point to respond, point out that their email is incorrectly addressed, and try to be helpful.

Yesterday I was perhaps too helpful. A transcript prepared for your enjoyment follows. Names have been redacted to protect the innocent.

To: John [RANDOM]

Good morning Professor [RANDOM]! I hope this email finds you well. I was wondering if you knew what my grade was before my final exam? Also was wondering about the grades for the Critical Anyalysis two and three. Any feedback on them for me would be very helpful for my future writing. It is not one of my best attributes! (writing that is!) Thanks and just wanted you to know I really enjoyed our class! And I will look at LMU as a possibiliy for my future beyond Tusculum! Have a very bless day! [REDACTED]

From: John [RANDOM]


I am not Professor [RANDOM]. He is a different person with a different email address. I suggest that you look up the correct address for him and send him your email. Perhaps you might want to edit it a bit to improve its style and grammar.

Though I am not the John [RANDOM] you intended to write, I am happy to give you some needed feedback on your writing. First of all, I would suggest using the “Enter” key more frequently to create paragraphs. This helps separate your ideas and gives your emails a pleasant format.

Second, I am unfamiliar with the phrase, “Have a very bless day!” and it appears to me to be grammatically incorrect.

You should capitalize a parenthetical if it is a stand alone sentence as yours is.

You should never begin a sentence with a conjunction.

I hope that this advice is helpful to you in your writing.

Best regards,

To: John [RANDOM]

My apologies for getting the wrong email address. Had I known that an arrogant person, such as yourself, was to receive the original email, it would not have been sent. I didn’t realize that I would be graded on the content of the writing in the email. It was written early in the morning, and I guess I forgot I was already in my “English class”!
Thank you for your critique of my writing. How many years did it take you to get your Masters and become a professor in college? What’s that? You don’t have one? That’s what I thought!
Christians have very blessed days, everyday! I sure wished you knew one so that you too can have a very blessed day!
Is this two many paragraphs for you to handle, or should I continue? I really do have better things to do!
There is no need for you to respond back. You have been blocked!

So I ask you dear readers, exactly how horrible am I? Were I truly horrible I would have simply deleted the misdirected email. Instead, I let this student know of the problem with the email address and provided the feedback that was requested. My thinking is that if you’re going to email me, I’m going to respond.