Mormon Mentality - Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People » The Steps, being vs doing, and achieving true spirituality….

By annegb

May. 27th, 2011 at 11:49 am

I participate in Al-Anon, a twelve step program for people who have friends or relatives who are addicts/alcoholics. The 12 Steps are really a wonderful way of living in harmony with God’s will. I have learned more about faith and surrender from this group (and also AA) than I learn in church. I believe that Mormon meetings focus way too much on all we must do to save ourselves and not enough on “thy will be done.” We then become insecure, anxious human doings whose chief faith is in ourselves. Ultimately and utterly self-defeating.

These are the steps:
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I have “worked” the steps several times, sending out maybe 100 letters of amend over time. I feel very good about that, apologizing to my sisters’ foster parents truly mended relationships and soothed hearts. I know because they said so.

Every one of these steps is in harmony with gospel principles. The “works” we should emphasize are found here, repentance, restitution, faith in God. They also leave plenty of room for personal freedom and choice in how we implement them.

One thing that happens rather frequently to me is that I find myself driven back to the very first step. That is when I go to my knees and acknowledge that I cannot fix my problems. And I ask Him to do it. It’s a rather magical process, because He does fix it. It’s kind of sad how I exhaust all other options before I do this, however, forgetting the help that’s right in front of me. CS Lewis speaks a lot of surrender which I’ve found to be hard to comprehend. He said he struggled with comprehending it also until finally he “got it.” I haven’t gotten it yet, but I’m praying to get it.

Stephen Covey, in his book, “Spiritual Roots of Human Relations” talks about the importance of a spiritually rich inner life. I think the steps are one way to achieve that. They encourage the right attitude as opposed to be-attitudes.

Also, I found this wonderful talk when looking for a message to take visiting teaching. Elder Lynn G. Robbins addressed the subject in his April 2011 conference talk “What Manner of Men Ought Ye to Be?” Think about these profundities: “Do without be–hypocrisy–portrays a false image to others, while be without do portrays a false image to oneself. ”

“The Savior chastised the scribes and Pharisees for their hypocrisy: “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe”—-something they did—”of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weighter matters of the law, judgment, mercy and faith.” (Matthew 23:23. Or in other words, they failed to be what they should have been.”

“While He recognized the importance of do, the Savior identified the importance of being as a “weightier matter.” The greater importance of being is illustrated in the following examples: Entering the waters of baptism is something we do. The be that must precede it is faith in Jesus Christ and a mighty change of heart . . .”

“Many of us create to do lists remind us of things we want to accomplish. But people rarely have to be lists. Why? To do’s are activities or events that can be checked off the list when done. To be, however, is never done. . .”I like what he said here: “Never let failure progress from an action to an identity.” He said in regard to parenting advise, but it certainly applies in all our relationships, especially the one with ourselves.

I’m going to keep my eye on this very wise man in the future and sit up straight and listen when he talks in the next conference. I recommend the 12 Steps to you as a way achieving that desired state of being that he discusses and thus becoming truly spiritually connected to our Father in Heaven.

1. Eric

Fri, May 27, 2011 @ 2:59pm

I found Robbins’ talk a highlight of the last General Conference and have been recommending it to everyone. Here’s a link: What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?

2. davidh

Fri, May 27, 2011 @ 4:17pm

Amen

3. Steamtrain

Sat, May 28, 2011 @ 12:37am

awesome as a blossom!

4. MCQ

Sat, May 28, 2011 @ 1:23am

Great post, annegb. Very insightful.

5. annegb

Sat, May 28, 2011 @ 9:48am

Oh, now you’re just sweet talking.

6. Barb

Sat, May 28, 2011 @ 12:31pm

Some of the most spiritual people that I met on my mission worked the 12 Step Program and were clean for a few years. Thank you for the insights on how being is even more important than doing. I do believe the 12 Step Program is inspired.

7. Sara

Sat, Jun 4, 2011 @ 1:07am

I belong to three different 12-step groups. I am actively working the steps and I honestly believe that it is helping me more than attending Church. I think all Church members could benefit from attending a 12-step group on a regular basis.

8. MCQ

Sat, Jun 4, 2011 @ 3:03am

The Church has recently endorsed a 12 step program for dealing with addiction. See it here:

http://www.providentliving.org/familyservices/AddicitonRecoveryManual_36764000.pdf

9. annegb

Sat, Jun 4, 2011 @ 9:54am

Thanks, Mcq. The church program works for some people. It’s Christ-centered and goes along with scriptures. I’ve blogged about this before, but I felt uncomfortable in the meetings I attended. The church focus bothered me and because I’d attended “regular” AA and Alanon meetings, found much that I felt was awry.

For one thing, the church meetings are led by couples, who are wonderful people, but haven’t experienced the problem or recovery from the problem. AA meetings have no designated leader, but the old-timers have a wealth of experience that they share with the members. There’s a more congruent tone focused on recovery as opposed to conversion. Sharing my problems in a meeting with leaders who hadn’t experienced the throes of addiction felt more like group therapy/quasi Mormon essentials Sunday School class. It’s ground-breaking and like I said, Christ-like in it’s focus, but nor for me.

Another problem I have with those meetings is that they emcompass all addictions in one meeting (although I think they may be having sex addicts meet separately now). So the sharing of tactful necessity might not be as gut level as need be when one is dealing with addictions.

Where if you have a roomful of women (sorry, it’s mostly women) of Alanon dealing with the ramifications of living and/or loving an addict, there is no need to censor to accomodate the feelings of said addict who–in a church meeting–might be sitting next to you. And vice versa in a AA meeting. An alcoholic in a straight AA meeting might be more frank and thus, make more progress, than if he’s sitting next to his sweet Mormon wife. I just think it’s counter-productive.

But it is what it is and I know people who swear by those meetings. The church should be applauded and given an “A” for effort; however, I’m not sure churches and social programs go together very well. I think we’d be better served by allowing AA meetings in our buildings, like other churches do. Sans the coffee, of course.

While our buildings are usually booked in the evenings, these meetings could be held early in the mornings on a weekday. It would work fine. The church would never give up control to that extent. But it should.

Although, there are probably more sex addicts (of one kind or another) inour church than any.

And spouses. They could have an early morning Alanon meeting that would probably take off like gangbusters. Wish they would.

10. Anon

Mon, Jun 6, 2011 @ 2:08am

Annegb,

I’ve attended a women’s LDS 12-step meeting (any and all addictions) for about three years now, and a lot of the issues you address have not been a problem for me. I live in Utah and the program is administered as a mission. The missionaries who lead the group are recovering addicts with great insights. Occasionally a missionary comes who is not a recovering addict, but every meeting in our mission has a facilitator who is a recovering/recovered addict. And their presence and insight and preparation makes all the difference in the world. Also, most meetings have a family support group that meets at the same time in a different room, that is comparable to Al-anon.

My husband attended meetings in the same mission several years ago, before we were married, and from comparing our different experiences, it sounds like a lot of things have changed, mostly to address the issues you just addressed. There are continually more and more specialized meetings. A men’s sexual addiction group has been going for a long time, as well as a a new sexual addiction group for women. ! The last time I looked over the list of meetings, I saw an alcoholics meeting and a narcotics meeting available. One thing that I find handy is that although the meetings are specialized, people with different addictions are always welcome, if a certain meeting fits better into their schedule. I’ve found that the further along people are in their recovery, the more comfortable they are relating to addicts of all types.

As far as your initial post: I couldn’t agree more. I’ve often wondered if there were some way to make church more like a 12-step meeting… I LOVE the focus on grace, a sharp contrast to the focus on works in Mormon culture, as you mentioned.

11. annegb

Mon, Jun 6, 2011 @ 10:17am

Thanks for the update :). The facilitators in Cedar City, where I live–at least the ones I know (and I’ve known them all) are not former addicts. They’ve all expressed to me how much they loved the people in the groups and loved the call to serve them. Felt the spirit of Christ’s grace. Really cool.

I still object to the church’s obvious attempt to control the meetings by using facilitators. I don’t know how I’d do it differently, though. So I should shut up.