8:50–Find primo parking spot and head inside.  There are about 3 people seated in the chapel, including the organist.  Head to the stand to sit with the speakers seats with my kids (ages 6, 4, and 2) in tow.  I am their only adult at church, so they are sitting with me.

8:55–Go give the interpreters the list of scriptures I plan to use in my talk.

8:57–Already thinking maybe I was crazy to have brought them up, although I have no where else for them to go.  Boys are up and down, flipping their seats and roaring their dinosaurs.

9:02–Announcement made that the speakers printed in the program are not who is actually speaking today.  Good for them, because they just talked two weeks ago.  Already had to break out the teddy grahams.

9:10–One son on my lap, watching the Sacrament prep from a new vantage point.  Wishing I was first on the program, rather than last.

9:16–Whew!  Made it through the Sacrament with no major issues.  Here comes the Primary President with…a birdcage?  OK.  We each have 20 minutes, which is a tad long for one person, in my opinion, so I guess it is good she will shake it up a little (even with contraband visual aids in Sacrament Meeting).

9:23–Wow!  This is a looooong story she is reading.

9:36–My kids are getting antsy, and I am holding off until I speak before I break out the pipe cleaners for them.

9:44–Hmmmm…I wonder when she is going to be done.  What can I cut out of MY talk?

9:50–The natives are restless.  I had to spring the pipe cleaners.

9:52–OK, she just referenced me as “having better things to say” than she and saying she needs to wrap up.

9:57–She is still talking.

10:01–And…amen.  Amen!?!  They better not make me get up to speak now.  Quick family musical number.  Aw.

10:03–Asked to speak in two weeks instead.  I can’t believe I have to drag my kids up here again.

10:05–At least we are closing on time.

10:11–Pass a virtual reception line of friends expressing outrage on my behalf.  I know it is mostly on their behalf as my talk is expected to be more engaging than the one we all just sat through.  We ALL wonder why the bishopric cannot manage their speakers.

Unfortunately, this has become a little bit if a regular occurrence in my ward.  We have probably had about 4 accidental one-speaker Sacrament Meetings in the last year.  I think this is wrong for SO MANY reasons, whether I am the bumped speaker or not.  I assume the reason the bishopric does not intervene is to spare embarrassment, but I can’t really say.  How does your ward manage the talkative talkers?