I don’t know whether I will be of help, but just want to share a little bit.

I loved my mission and did not want to come home. I begged my mission president for more time and he kindly refused. I had worked really really hard and when I arrived at home again, I was very very very tired (something I hadn’t realized and I didn’t really give myself any time to rest). I jumped on a plane not two days later and rushed back to BYU.

As a missionary, your day is scheduled from top to bottom and I had forgotten how much free time students have. Consequently, I was very very restless and didn’t know what to do with myself. This led to some severe depression, lots of moodiness, and the feeling that I had no direction at all (even though it wasn’t necessarily true). I didn’t know how to overcome this and no one wanted to talk about it, least of all my parents.

I would just say that if your kid exhibits some restless and moody behavior after she returns home, listen to what she has to say, and try to make sure that she feels a sense of purpose and has things to do. It also didn’t help that I got back to BYU before anyone else I knew and didn’t have any friends or any family anywhere near that I could talk to (my parents lived a couple thousand miles away). Talk about being a stranger in a strange land.

Check out http://www.rmguide.com … Good stuff to help you both.

Here’s a suggestion for returned missionaries:

You should have had some sort of path mapped out from before you went on your mission. Follow that path for now.

The inspiration you followed as a missionary works differently as a civilian. You still have a calling, and a mission, but it is perhaps less obvious, and you need to grow into it, as you grew into your missionary calling.

Read your patriarchal blessing.

Try not to make any important decisions for at least six months.

How to come home from a mission:

1. Get rid of all your missionary clothes. You should have given most of them away the last week of your mission anyhow.
2. If you aren’t going right to school, get a job.
3. Don’t worry about catching up on pop culture that you missed while you were gone. I missed out on Ace of Base. Thank goodness.
4. Miss the country you served in? Take some time to read some of literature of that culture that you weren’t allowed to on your mission.
5. Relax. Sleep in. Stay up late.
6. Grow a beard. This one is optional for the ladies.

Oh, and if you are a recent RM, try not to give life advice to people around you. Yes, you are on a spiritual high and haven’t done anything wanton for a few years, but you might be (should be) embaressed by how critically preachy and self-righteous you sound when you think you are just making conversation. Just cool it on the prodding of others to make more of themselves.

[When my sister came home, basically the first thing she said to me was to ask when I was going to get my act together and get sealed to my husband and kids. She did not realize that my marriage was VERY rocky (ended within months), I was deeply depressed, and pregnant, and my husband was threatening daily to leave. I am sure she just wanted to prod me into improving my life, but it was NOT what I needed to hear from her, or anyone.]

It depends upon the missionary. I had a fairly easy transition back, and think some of the circumstances contributed to that. First, my family and best friend (who served in the same mission as my younger brother, and was thus a stand in for him) came to pick me up and we spent a few days seeing some of the tourist sites I hadn’t seen. (I also saw some families I baptized, which I would suggest you pass on, unless certain they are still strong).

Second, I had quite a few friends who had returned shortly before me (2 months and 3 weeks, plus a few others), who were slightly ahead of me in the acclimation process. They helped me see the light, and pushed me into social activities I might otherwise deferred on (ie night I got home I was out until 2 am dancing and then hiking to a view point).

Third, I got back 3 weeks before school started, which was enough time to decompress, acclimate, prep for school and then get bored enough to be ready for school.

Fourth, I went to BYU, which for all the criticism, was an excellent place for an RM (at least this one) to return, as the culture shock was less, people understood why a 21 year old was still a freshman, and there were lots of social activities to keep busy.

In summary, don’t rush, don’t make any life changing decisions, but keep busy!

I found something I wrote some years ago which illustrates one aspect of returning from a mission: old friends who didn’t go on missions have moved along with their lives in a way that can make the missionary feel like a minor Rip Van Winkle. Here it is:

When my mission service ended, I felt exhausted in many ways and there were only a couple of months until I would leave home to resume school, so I looked for an easy job. I took the graveyard shift minding a new convenience store on the edge of town. This was great for having time to myself, sometimes an hour or more between customers. Sweeping outside in the summer night was pleasant. From midnight until two or three, there would be a few casino workers coming off their shifts who would stop by for beer and cigarettes. Starting before five would be construction workers heading to the job who would pick up sandwiches and soda for the day. During my weeks there, I only had to ring up two or three pornographic magazines.

It got old before long, and I would sometimes think “A month ago I was preaching the gospel of salvation, and now I’m selling beer and cigarettes.” It was a good thing there were sandwiches to make for the construction workers; that was one small contribution to the good of mankind. Toward the end of the stint, a high school classmate stopped in. We chatted a while. Things were going good for him. He had a landscaping job and was making $500 a week. After he left, I was depressed and had to remind myself that my overall choices were good ones. The two years of missionary service had been purposeful. Going to college would lead to good things. At that moment, though, I was earning $3.50 an hour, fifteen cents above minimum wage, and I didn’t deserve a bit more for what I was doing. The next summer I found more appropriate labor.

#3 Ben S. Are you THAT Ben S?

I didn’t have a plan when I left on my mission. I was a little lost when I got home. The town I returned home to was kind of dead-end. It took me 2 years of trying to insert myself back in to my former life (and dissing on the kids who granduated from high school or got home from missions to realize that I needed to get out. We visited Utah for conference and some dear friends that had moved away from our town years before practically begged me to come live with them. I did and it was the best decision I ever made. (The mission was a good experience but made for the wrong reasons ie. to put off making any other decisions)

So the moral of this story is if your daughter has a plan, support her as she re-evaluates it. If she does it, don’t wait two years to encourage her to make one.

queuno has good points.

I’d like to add: work on being humble. Not all, but too many RM’s get holier-than-thou.