How much of a duty do we have to inform our religious brothers and sisters about the mistakes of others before said mistakes have a major impact on their lives?

It all started back in November when I went to a Christmas party a church friend was having.

When my husband and I arrived Nancy, Josiah, Katy and Brett, along with a few other people, were already in attendance. Upon being introduced, the first thing asked was by Nancy who questioned, “Didn’t you just have a baby?” Of which I replied “Yes, and I am bored being at home.” Some more chatting ensued and I learned Josiah was recently engaged to Nancy.

Josiah and I went on a few, meaning two, meaningless dates when we were in the singles branch before I started dating my future husband. Josiah gave me the creeps, but as a freshly- graduated- from -young -women gal I didn’t have the ability to stand up for myself and say no yet. Plus, he was cute.

Everyone in the branch warned me about how bad he was. He had a reputation for flirting with anything that moved, and asking “the question” like it was a monthly planned FHE activity. Beyond that, I knew he was roughly 28 who had a history of hitting on 18 year-olds. Hence the reason I was on his radar.

Needless to say I’m going to cut the story short and just say after our second date I was able to scare him away by talking about marriage. Turns out the guy did not like the idea of being tied down, and blamed the brain damage caused by a car accident he was in before he went on his mission as his reason for doing so. He also got sent home early because of the seizures he had as a result of said accident.

Never meeting Nancy before, I quickly figured since I hated her fiancé, we would never be friends—hard to keep up a relationship with someone who hates your spouse, and yes I would know. By the end of the party I also included she was “baby hungry” to my list of quick judgments.

Fast forward a couple of years from the time I dated Josiah, and this is what I had learned about him by the time the Christmas party arrived:

–His previous fiancé ended it because during a make-out session he tried to feel her up claiming it was an ok thing to do since they were engaged.
–He never stayed in the same branch for more than a month at a time, and frequently traveled long distances to meet girls. His record always stayed in our ward, so we saw him roughly once or twice a year.
–The longest he’s ever held a job was 6 months.
–He had a history of committing fraud. Started a non-profit in Utah, took the money and ran. Did the same thing in Kansas City, and apparently swindled a fellow member from a neighboring ward out of a couple grand and a working car. The entire time he has never been denied a temple recommend because he would flee before the bishop learned about it.

At the party I chatted up with Katy and Brett while my husband chatted with Josiah and Nancy. He learned Nancy was in the Air Force on her second year and trying to get out based on a back injury. Since she wasn’t in long enough whenever she did get accepted to leave (her boss was having a hard time seeing her as unfit) she would be leaving with no benefits, no GI Bill, nothing except a line on her resume stating two years of service. They met when she got stationed at the local base and attended church on a Sunday he happened to be attending. Three weeks later and they’re madly in love, destined to see the world together while Josiah works on his television show that is due to air next year.

They got married roughly a month ago, and are now on the road living in a trailer while filming his show enroute to New Mexico.

When my husband and I talk about the life they have ahead of them, one question always comes to mind.

Knowing that he is not fit for family responsibilities, should we have told her the facts about her husband before they got married? Does anyone have a responsibility to tell someone the person they are dating is not marriage material before the altar is in view?

We’ve both agreed that because we didn’t know the couple personally, we knew Josiah, not Nancy, that there was no duty. But our mutual friends Alex and Jennifer, who were well aware of Josiah’s history and befriended Nancy, also said nothing. I feel that since Alex and Jennifer had a closer relationship to her, Jennifer should have warned Nancy. At least coming from her it would sound like a caring friend, rather than some busy-body with an axe to grind.