I have kept a journal since my first husband died in 1973. It’s sporadic, sometimes every day, sometimes only a few times a year. But more and more, I’m picking them up to refresh my memory or check a date.

They’re pretty interesting. So many stories that include my friends and family! I think I’m going to try to transcribe them so my kids will all have a copy and my family won’t be destroyed by bickering over them when I die.

Last week, I read about a funny thing that happened to my best friend and me. I’d come out of Wal-Mart to find her walking around the parking lot looking for her car. So I told her to jump in and we’d drive around and find it. Guess what? We never did! So, as reported in my journal, we just went to get a hamburger and catch up and I took her home. Turns out she’d taken her car to the shop and forgot about it.

I’ve written all kinds of funny things my kids said and did and am so grateful to myself for recording the conversations as verbatim as possible. One evening, Bill had come home sick as a dog from work, headache and nausea. James, who was 16 and Jessie, who was 11 were at functions with their friends and I had a Relief Society obligation, so I left 3 year old Sarah with Jared, who was thirteen. Jared wasn’t my best babysitter, but he was always good to Sarah, so I felt okay about it.

I came home to chaos. Jared was sitting calmly in the living room watching TV, Bill was moaning and throwing up in the garbage can by the bed in the bedroom and Sarah was sobbing her guts out in the bathroom. She was sitting on the toilet, screaming for Jared to come clean her. He refused. (Jared was so funny that way; he would simply take a deep breath and say “I refuse” when told to do something he didn’t want to do).

So they had a stand-off. I don’t know how long Jared had held out, but I came in and took care of Sarah (laughing, I assume); cleaned Bill up, wiped his fevered brow and brought him tea and toast (his headache staple) and all was calm again.

Maybe you’d have to know Jared and Sarah to appreciate that story, but that night two extremely stubborn people met and disagreed. :)

I didn’t read this in my journal, but it’s funny. I’ve written about it before, so forgive me, those who have heard my stories millions of times. One night we went to the movies and I snuck out, with the excuse of going to the bathroom, to peek in at Brokeback Mountain. When I came back, I sat down by the wrong guy! I snuggled up to him and rested my head against his arm (Bill’s shoulders are high for me) and tried to get warm. But he kept moving away from me. He moved his legs away from where mine were firmly pressed to his and I thought “what strange body language, Bill.” (This is true, I remember thinking that).

After awhile of trying to get comfortable, I noticed the surroundings had changed, sat up and looked around, had a Twilight Zone moment, then looked straight at that guy, who was laughing. I jumped up and found Bill and guffawed into Bill’s shoulder the rest of the night. He said he saw me! He thought I just wanted to sit closer and went on eating his popcorn and watching the movie.

Anyway, pretty funny.

Got any funny stories? I have a couple of things I could write about that would make people think and piss them off but I’m not in the mood right now.