Mormon Mentality - Thoughts and Asides by Peculiar People » Visiting Teaching on Facebook: Does it count?

By Paroled from the Primary

Aug. 12th, 2012 at 9:43 am

I was recently given a new visiting teaching list of sisters to visit. One sister, who I’ll call “Susan,” is a woman a keep in regular contact with on Facebook but who hasn’t attended church in our ward since she was baptized last summer. She attends with her fiancé in his ward occasionally, but they mostly travel a lot and run marathons.

Another of the sisters, who I’ll call “Patty,” is an inactive young woman with whom I also keep in regular contact via Facebook and even see in person occasionally. I’ve been this young woman’s visiting teacher for a few years.

The third woman I am assigned to visit, who I’ll call “Fran,” is someone I see regularly but we do chat via Facebook quite often. We’re on somewhat opposite schedules and her personal life is complicated. And my companion has been inactive for over a year and also pops up on Facebook occasionally.

So here’s my question: Does checking in with and holding “conversations” with the sisters we are assigned to visit qualify as actual visiting teaching?

In my case with Susan, she joined the church rather quickly and her fiancé is a life-long member who understands how we keep tabs on one another through home and visiting teaching. I don’t think she personally attended enough to get a good grasp on the program, though. So I don’t know if she understands the purpose of the programs. While I can reach Susan quite easily through Facebook, I know others seem to struggle reaching her. If she’s comfortable with this “level” of contact, is it enough? Or should I drop by her house with cookies and a “message”

In the case with Patty, I know she has little interest in the church. Her family is mostly active and lives nearby. She knows I’m active and that I am assigned as her visiting teacher. She lets me stop in to visit her from time to time and is very friendly. I try to keep our relationship casual and avoid too much discussion of religion. We recently had dinner (before my newest addition arrived) and she asked about joining our ward’s playgroup. I feel like this is good progress. But, does it count as visiting teaching?

Susan is a new assignment as of this month. Patty has been on my assignment list for a few years. And since I’ve been assigned to visit Patty, I’ve been marking my visiting teaching as completed with her each month as long as I’ve communicated more than just by clicking “Like” on her status.

What about you? In this age of instant-contact technology, do you connect with your assigned sisters via social media? And, if you do, is this enough to “count”?

1. annegb

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 10:07am

My visiting teacher and I text fairly regularly–at my request—and I love it. She does come visit and I see her at church, but we both live rather hectic lives and this works for me.

I think the “old” way of visiting teaching was a letter of the law, where the church was mandating charity. It worked and I loved it, but times have changed. Now, we can live the spirit of the law and do the best we can, which is all God requires anyway.

2. Lisa D

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 11:07am

I think the important part of visiting teaching is to build and maintain a relationship such that if she needs anything important, she will feel comfortable calling you. If Facebook works for her, then it “counts”.

3. NewlyHousewife

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 12:28pm

I count it. Writting a letter counts, so why not facebook. I much prefer it but past VT have been anal about seeing my house. Luckily the current one I’m family friends with and tell everything to anyway.

4. MDearest

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 3:02pm

When I was VT coordinator in my ward, I counted it. I counted any and all contact. And encourage any and all contact.

5. magpie

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 4:51pm

Absolutely. It counts. I wish mine did it that way. As long as I know what’s going on in the lives of those I “visit” and they know I love them, and will help if needs be, then it’s all good.

6. Jenn

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 5:47pm

It counts- as others have said, the goal is to build a friendship and be mindful of their needs. Some “needs” include doing whatever works with their schedule.

7. Paroled from the Primary

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 6:25pm

Love all the feedback!

While recently serving in the RS Presidency, the President remarked that her visiting teacher would send her a quick, “We should get together…” note on FB and then count her as visited even if they never exchanged any messages past that.

So when would it not count on FB? Should you tell the sister you’re assigned to that the FB contact is counting as visiting? My fear is that mediated communication will completely replace face-to-face visits and not have quite the same impact.

8. annegb

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 7:26pm

There’s no way to correctly gauge how beneficial that sort of relationship is, though. It’s true that I love my visiting teacher and enjoy her. I’m more at fault, if fault is the word, for our texting conversations because I ask her to skip a visit, subbing texting. It works.

But in a real emergency, I probably wouldn’t even think of her. To a large extent, our relationship is superficial. That’s okay for me, but I am concerned at those lonely discouraged souls out there.

I don’t think you really know someone till you’ve sat on her bed and laughed and cried.

So, yes, I believe it should count. But hopefully the friendship will evolve in a way that creates threads from woman to woman and lessens feelings of exclusion and other-ness.

9. makakona

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 7:35pm

as long as you’re maintaining contact and offering help when you read the need, i say it counts. until very recently, my ward disagreed.

i was assigned several inactive and part-member families. we would invite the families into our home, have game nights, do things with their kids, but we were told it did not count because i did not share the official monthly message. some of the sisters did not and would not come to church, but were comfortable enough to call us for blessings, childcare, birthday parties, and to let us know when they were pregnant (we were the first to find out!). and yet i wasn’t fulfilling my duty, despite knowing they were not receptive to anything officially churchy-churchy or that one woman’s husband became upset when church was brought up. it really chapped my hide.

one sister was reassigned because my visits were not being counted. i felt somewhat vindicated when she asked the visiting presidency members why and they told her because i wasn’t properly visiting. the rsp was kind enough to relay to me that this sister felt i had gone beyond being a vt and was her friend. she doesn’t have any other friends in the church. THAT is what vt is about, in my book. jesus didn’t want us to run through a checklist; he wanted us to be good examples and show love.

(our presidency did just recently relay that ANY sort of contact counts. i wouldn’t count just being fb friends, but definitely chime in when you can and build a relationship through those convenient means.)

10. Orwell

Sun, Aug 12, 2012 @ 11:12pm

I have no experience visiting teaching, but if your monthly efforts here were gauged by the standards of the Elders Quorum they would probably qualify as a year’s worth.

11. Marie 2

Mon, Aug 13, 2012 @ 1:58am

Visiting Teaching should be done in a way that is comfortable for the sisters you are serving (in my opinion). If the sisters you are serving prefer facebook contact over a more traditional contact I don’t see what the problem is.

12. annegb

Mon, Aug 13, 2012 @ 9:43am

Orwell’s right. These programs are/were meant to be a means for meeting needs of members, but they’re not working. Playing the devil’s advocate, perhaps the internet is part of the problem. Life is moving at a break-neck speed and people substitute “easy” friendships that require little real sacrifice. There’s an artificial quality to a “how are you?” on facebook that belies taking an opportunity to truly serve others.

That being said, I don’t think ordering people to serve each other is working anymore either.

Still, it’s pretty sad when one thinks of the level of remove that’s happening. I have hope that, should a disaster occur, we’d pull together big-time, using our church organizational skills. But personal disasters might pass untended and those who are inactive and have never met their visiting teacher, let alone friend them on facebook, will not get the support they need.

I have mixed emotions, I guess. It’s easy for me to pitch in and make friends and take care of people. I don’t want anybody taking care of me and I like my relationship with my visiting teacher. But I still find it sad that so many of the priorities of thirty years ago are considered old fashioned and passe. You HAVE to leave your house to truly get to know people, but who has time? It’s a catch-22.

13. tori

Tue, Aug 14, 2012 @ 3:11am

It totally counts. But I think it could be dangerous if we’re counting FB contacts when we could visit the sister(s) in person. If circumstances don’t allow, or the sister would prefer just written contact, then a-okay. But if we’re just avoiding the “added burden” of a visit in person (doesn’t sound you’re doing that!), then it’s just a slippery slope. Ya know?

14. Paroled from the Primary Presidency

Tue, Aug 14, 2012 @ 10:40am

Sorry, folks… We were celebrating my son’s birthday yesterday with a trip to Six Flags. I was offline all day!

#9 makakona – That plain sucks that your RS Presidency would discount your efforts. Even with the sisters I visit in person and more regularly, we frequently never get to the message. We have a tendency to talk about the latest GD or RS lesson or some other article from the Ensign. Sometimes it is the VT message we discuss, but only if we’re both interested. I count my Home Teacher as having visited us if he comes over to dinner with his family and we have a nice time together. A message isn’t always a necessity.

#10 Orwell – Nice to hear from you! And, yes, I’m sure the Elder’s Quorum would count FB contacts in a heartbeat! :-)

15. Paroled from the Primary Presidency

Tue, Aug 14, 2012 @ 10:51am

#12 annegb – I have a strong testimony of the VT and HT programs, but, in practice, they don’t always work. I see it more like other callings in the church. The callings themselves are not the problem. It’s what people do with the callings (or don’t do, in the case of VT and HT) that’s problematic. I feel there is still a strong need for the programs–maybe stronger than ever–but we struggle to fulfill our duties.

In New England, VT and HT become harder because wards are so spread out. It takes me 45-50 minutes to drive to the opposite side of our ward boundaries and that’s without traffic! So VT and HT assignments are often limited by geography. This makes it much harder to spread relationships across a ward even if you have a good number of members who attend regularly.

Our RS recently created neighborhood groups for socialization purposes to help develop more secular relationships among the sisters. The groups plan social activities, not religious ones. And the leaders (who rotate every few months) are strongly encouraged to invite innactive members. It’s worked well to some extent and helps strengthen the VT program. Probably wouldn’t work real well in other areas of the country/world, though. I’m thankful the most recent version of the handbook allows for a bit more adaptation in each unit based on the needs of the people there.

It’s easy for me to pitch in and make friends and take care of people. I don’t want anybody taking care of me…”
I’m with you on this one. Even after the birth of this 3rd baby (my 3rd c-section), I wasn’t keen on the idea of people bringging in food. I let my home teacher’s wife bring us a meal but only because I really like the pulled pork they make and we’re good friends. Otherwise, I’m more likely to make do on my own. Maybe this is part of the problem. Perhaps we need to work at allowing others to serve us more…

16. Paroled from the Primary Presidency

Tue, Aug 14, 2012 @ 10:54am

#13 tori – That’s kind of my concern… Are we becoming apathetic in our efforts if we rely solely on social media or mediated communication in general to complete our VT assignments? As a professor of Communication Studies, I know there is a strong value in un-mediated, face-to-face communication. I fear I might be missing opportunities to share the spirit with someone even if we aren’t having a religious/spiritual conversation.