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| Wednesday, June 19, 2013 |
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I find reading cynical writings by atheists helps me. Getting my mind off of serious things. |
Friends. There are many of us who know what you’re going through because we’ve been there. I’m easy to contact. Please do. |
Here’s the text: Not one sparrow is forgotten, Shaker Hymn (Canterbury Shakers Hymnal, 1908) |
I’m right there with you LiZ. Don’t know what’s going down with you but I’ve been living my own personal hell lately and have found a lot of help from friends. If I can help you at all, drop me an email. |
The number one best help I’ve found is something I was Led to (long before the problem came about, but I was slow to obey): meditation. It has soothed my soul in a way reading scriptures and prayer just didn’t provide. I think the combination of all those things as well as really trying to serve with my whole heart (my family, almost exclusively) and TIME. I’m so sorry to read of your deep distress and pray it will abate far more quickly than you expect right now! |
“Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end” |
I find that as others know and pray/send positive vibes your way it often helps as well. I also find listening to hymns such as “Lead Kindly Light” can also help soothe my soul |
I love bloggers…caring folk. Liz, one thing I do is watch movies. I laugh. I cry. I immerse myself in other stories. Rent 50-50, Spanglish, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. Have you seen Shawshank Redemption? Make some warm tea, add sugar and feel the warmth through the cup and be decadent as you sip tea and watch movies in bed. At noon. A good book. Good chocolate. Bubble baths. Norah Jones and Motown. Oh, and lots of Vitamin B. This is going to pass. I promise. |
Just don’t take the vitamin B on an empty stomach. and take lysine with it. and everything annegb said. also sitting silently on the hardest things ever to happen in my family because they are not my stories to tell. so all the comfort i pray for for my family i pray for for you also. you are loved here. |
The most important thing I have done in dealing with my wife’s death is to give myself permission to feel the feelings. For me, at least, the best advice was that the best way to get through the pain was exactly that: go THROUGH it. If you try to avoid it or hide from it, that pain will find you and attack you in ugly, nasty ways. The suggestions above are good ones to help go through this dark night. |
Excellent, Eric. So true. |
I find that reaching for a Preisthood holder helps a ton, and it also helps you and your family ways to heal, verus trying to find ways to heal yourself and your family. |
And, what helps my family, is by doing stuff just as a family, til we all got our heads on straight again |
I second ann and Eric… good advice, and I’m so sorry you are hurting. Pain is a bitch sometimes–um, almost always–okay always! |
I am sorry for your pain. I have definitely felt those depths of darkness. I agree with Eric, let yourself feel it. Let yourself cry and be upset. Get in the car, drive to a secluded spot and scream your lungs out. Throw something. My friend, who went through a horrible experience recently, told me that being sad is like running a marathon. Sometimes you need to just keep going even if you don’t want too. You can’t decide to stop at Mile 16, you need to be sad until you cross the finish line. She told me that she is still running that marathon, but she knows that there will be an end. Also, don’t think there is anything wrong with you for being sad and upset. There’s not. Some books that have changed my life and have helped me at various moments: I don’t know what you are going through, but the above have helped me with various issues at various parts of life. Prayers and cyber-hugs coming your way! |
I second Ann and Eric… I wish I could help… |
REST. Get as much sleep as you can manage. Don’t push yourself too hard. Give yourself permission to be weak, and to rely on your friends. Keep everything out of your life that is nonessential until you want to manage it again, not just can. Most of all, pray your heart out, and give yourself time. |
I feel for you friend. I don’t know what has happened. I do know some of what it takes to make it through one more day even when the numbness and exhaustion have deafened you to the reality that everything is really ok. I try to remind myself that this moment isn’t permanent and then I put one foot in front of the other. There’s a saying that goes something like ” What saves a man is taking one step and then another. ” Simply put, even when you just can’t go on God will guide and protect. I will pray for you. |
“The Enchiridion” by Epictetus, helped me. He was contemporary with early Christianity, not a Christian, but has a lot of overlap with basic Christian beliefs. He was one of the major Stoic philosophers. He was able to put some Christian principles into words that I could finally understand. In fact, his is the number one work, even above the scriptures, that helped me deal with not feeling like I was somehow responsible for the hurts caused by others. There are two translations of his work, and I found I had to read both to get it, since each translation had its weaknesses and strengths in different sections. George Long translation: Elizabeth Carter translation: If you like his writing, also check out “The Golden Sayings of Epictetus”. I’ll give you a quick run down. There are only two kinds of things/events in the world: That which you control, and that which you don’t control. Bottom line: If you can’t control it, accept it, and don’t worry about it, because…. you can’t control it. Most of the good parts of the Enchiridion are just examples and explanations of things we can control and things we can’t. |
LiZ, for us, the unthinkable happened. It was (and still is sometimes) excruciating, and the jaws of hell gaped. Even so, I clearly knew that angels were with me bearing pain that I could not. In the aftermath came new light and knowledge. The terrible situation was not what the Lord wanted, but He did with it what He could. We are healing. There is hope. |
Immersing myself in issues of conference talks, communing with nature frequently (when I can), and reading/listening to hymns were, for me, excellent coping strategies during my dark times. I also found that meeting with a counselor (preferably LDS), someone who provides an objective point of view, was very helpful… So LiZ, I see that it’s been a week since you last posted. How have you have holding up? Better than you might have expected? Hopefully the feedback, prayers, and suggestions have been useful. |
#23 Tiger – Ummmm….I wish I could say I have sailed through my experience with amazing grace and clarity. It would be awesome to tell you it has been better than I might have expected. |
Liz: thanks for that link. I think I can use some things from that advice column in my life. |
“Screw it” can actually be a positive thought. |
This is only tangentially related, but it’s good adivce on how not to get hurt at church. |
I have been nagging DKL for a “like” button for a year now. At least. |
These 2 conference talks have helped me: http://www.lds.org/liahona/2012/06/you-know-enough?lang=eng&query=know+enough http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/04/adversity?lang=eng What helped my aunt was buying cheap dishes from DI and hurling them against the side of her house. I hope you feel peace soon. |
