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|Detachment Is Needed|
Nov. 27th, 2012 at 4:10 pm
O.k, – I hate to air dirty laundry in public, but once again I need advice. I am stuck and I haven’t found one book written for this situation.
As you figured out from my last post (the BEST family photo you’ve ever seen, I’m sure), I have a daughter who is divorced. My adorable granddaughter is from that temple marriage (1)
The kids have been divorced for a whole month and my ex-son-in-law is planning on getting married to his new cute, naive girlfriend pretty darn quick.
Here’s the deal from my perspective: The son-in-law is a schmuck and I don’t trust him farther than I can throw him. But he is getting married which means my precious granddaughter is going to have a stepmother. Because my daughter and granddaughter live at home while she finishes her education, I am the primary care-giver of the baby. I have an intimate, vested interest in the well-being of my granddaughter.
Ideally I wouldn’t ever speak to the ex-son-in-law( 2) ever again, but that seems unrealistic. I want to be able to speak to Voldemort without having to sit on my hands. I so want to choke him or kick his -ss. I want to have professional detachment, to think of him in a dispassionate way and never lose another wink of sleep over his behavior.
Of course, what I really want is for him to acknowledge he has done a horrible job as a husband and father. I want him to really understand how destructive his choices have been. Since that isn’t forth coming, I need to be able to not care if he does the right thing or not.
I dread the thought of 20+ years of fighting with Voldemort. I don’t like him enough to invest any energy in him. Unlike other messed up people I have dealt with, I can’t just shake his dust off my feet and walk away. My granddaughter will have an ongoing relationship with him and I have to be more than civil. I have to be able to have him in my life and not have it affect me.
From a parent/grandparent point of view, how do I do that? How do I stay involved to benefit my daughter and granddaughter yet also be able to not give a friggen’ crap what he does in his life?
My back-up plan is follow Annegb’s lead.(3)
Until Heavenly Father grants me number (3), what advice to do have for a grandmother who actually cares?
(1) In the Nauvoo Temple, for those who care that their marriage was all legit and holy and that he completely broke all the covenants about fidelity. More than once. What a scumbucket.